Homicidal Party
by Princess Toady
Summary: When a murder happens during one of Princess Peach's Halloween parties, a small investigation team tries to take on the murderer. Keyword being 'tries'.
1. Party at the Castle

**Homicidal Party**

_This fiction is the property of Toady16/Princess Toady. Any reproduction, whether it is partial or complete, is strictly forbidden. Of course, you may find some kind of inspiration in my work (or not), but please, do not steal it from me._

_This story is a parody of the horror movies/stories where people are trapped inside a building and are picked off one after another while the murderer is on the loose. If you enjoy this kind of stories or even write some yourself, please do not take offense to this, its only purpose is to be fun._

1 : Party at the Castle

Peach was in her bedroom, snoring loudly, as usual. The princess had just started to host her party when she felt tired, all of a sudden, and decided to retire in her headquarters to enjoy the presence of her fluffy bed, ignoring Toadsworth's complaints.

Feeling rejuvenated from her two-hour nap, the pink-clad woman slowly got up and went to sit before her mirror, brushing her hair in the process. "Oh my, I live such a busy life! It's no wonder I had to take a power nap earlier," the princess mused to herself as she was struggling with one of her lock. Pulling hard, she managed to regain control of her brush, at the cost of partial baldness. "Between the parties, the kart races, the fighting competitions and all that jazz, I have little time to relax... Maybe I should travel to Delfino Island to ease my frustrations... Yes! It definitely sounds like a great idea!" she grinned dumbly as she scotch taped the tuft of hair that had come loose to her head.

"Well, now sounds like as good a time as any to check on my guests," Peach smiled as she clapped her hands together. She stood up from her chair and walked gracefully to the door. She put her hand on the doorknob and pulled as hard as she could but the door would not even budge. Gasping lightly, the princess decided to use a conveniently placed crowbar to bust the door open. It took her some time, but after five minutes had passed she returned to her usual bubbly self as the door was completely obliterated. Giggling, she threw the crowbar behind her carelessly, causing one of her window to shatter.

Alerted by the noise, Toadsworth ran to the princess' side to evaluate the damages that had been done. "Princess! What happened to you?"

"Well, you're never going to believe it Toadsworth! My door wouldn't open so I had to take drastic measures," Peach told him as she brushed her dress.

"By my grandfather's marmalade! Princess, how many times did I tell you to push the door when you wanted to leave your room?!" Toadsworth chided her.

Peach crossed her arms and looked away. "Well, I didn't do it purposely! Besides, I usually pull the door to enter my room so I thought it was the same when I wanted to leave it."

Toadsworth could not help but groan as he smacked his forehead. "When will you learn? It's the forty-second door you have destroyed this month! Did I mention that today is the fourth of July?"

"What's the problem? We could create another tax so that the plebs pay the bill, couldn't we?" Peach yawned. Having boring intellectual conversations like that one usually tired her. "Well, I'm off! I need to greet my guests!" The blonde said before skipping happily toward the main hall of her castle.

Toadsworth looked appalled. "You mean you haven't greeted them yet...?"

…

Meanwhile, the guests were trying to enjoy themselves, which was quite hard considering their host was not there to tell them what to do and that they were too dumb to improvise. Some people were louder about that fact than others.

"What's taking her so long?! This dumb broad has some nerves, I swear!" Lakilulu complained the loudest, making the target on her back to be the future killer's first victim that much bigger. If there was one thing the party-goers could all agree with, it was that the word defining Lakilulu the best was 'bitch'.

"Shut it, you're annoying everyone!" Bowser roared. Lakilester went up to him and got right in his face.

"Watch what you're saying to mah gurl yo!" he threatened the Koopa King who retaliated by punching him in the jaw.

"That definitely helped," muttered the Koopa.

"Your nastiness, I made you a sandwitch as you had requested," Kammy Koopa interrupted as she brought a sandwich with her.

"Kammy, you should know that it is spelled 'sandwhich' and not 'sandwitch'," Goombario corrected her, sounding like a smartass. Kammy whacked him with her wand and left grumpily.

"Besides it's spelled 'sandwich'," Goombella said in a sassy way. Nobody cared but she felt she had to correct people every time they made a mistake. "So Bobbery, how are you doing? Have you met a special someone perhaps?" she questioned her friend.

Bobbery turned red and ran away crying like a little girl. Actually, he did not run away, he simply drowned his sorrows. "Oops, sorry Bobbery! I kinda forgot your wife was, like, dead and everything! Hope you'll forgive me!"

Bombette had heard this and decided to talk to Bobbery. "Hey handsome, I love mature men," she winked flirtatiously.

"Eww! Gerontophiliac!" spat Waluigi who was also drinking some booze. Wario wiggled his eyebrow in a seductive way, hoping to charm Bombette. He only received a kick in the crotch.

In another area of the castle, Yoshi, Donkey Kong and Pauline were having a food contest. Surprisingly, Pauline was winning. "How do you do that and still stay slim?" Yoshi asked, impressed.

Donkey was also in awe. "Yeah, he's right! Why don't you look like Birdo, for example? She's fat and-OWW!" Birdo had heard enough and had pinched him to teach him some manners.

"Serves you right!" she yelled angrily.

"That was a bad move on your part, pal," Boshi shook his head.

"Well, since I'm a model, I have to stay skinny, so I'm used to stay in the bathroom for a rather long time, if you know what I mean," explained as smartly as she could the lady in red.

"Too much information," Tiny pinched the bridge of her nose, totally grossed out. "Dixie, fetch me a glass of water."

"As you wish Tiny!" Dixie walked away happily.

"Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" Toad gritted his teeth. "You're treating her like a total slave!"

"So what, you got a problem with that?" Tiny rolled up her sleeves.

"... No, I just wish you would share with us sometimes." Toadette nodded, showing she was in agreement with Toad.

"Yes, you look a bit greedy."

"Dixie, bring back three glasses of water!" Tiny bellowed. Diddy was looking everywhere for his girlfriend.

"Has any of you seen Dixie?" wondered the chimpanzee. A quick glance at each other and the answer was unanimous.

"No," chorused Toad, Toadette and Tiny.

At another table, Parakarry, Koops and Kooper were playing Poker, one of them obviously cheating.

"Ah! Take that, five aces!" Parakarry shouted triumphantly.

"Wait a minute, I thought there were only four aces?" Kooper asked, definitely suspicious. Parakarry was sweating bullets.

"Errr, no. You must be mistaken." Kooper looked defeated.

"Damn, I lost all my money!"

"Well, at least you didn't bet you girlfriend like I did," Koops whined.

"You WHAT?" Koopie Ko screamed as she started beating him to a pulp. Distracted by the scene, Kooper did not see that Parakarry had given half of his winnings to Mrs. Mowz who had helped him cheat.

"Goodness gracious, we're having such a great time! I can't believe everything is going smoothly!" Flurrie squealed in delight, totally oblivious to the many fights that had broken out.

"True that," Sushie concurred. "The people here are so civilized. If only those little twerps back at Yoshi's Island could behave the same way!" She groaned, shaking her fin in anger.

Yoshi Junior blew her a raspberry. "It's your fault granny if they're being annoying, you're way too bossy!" Sushie jumped on him and started yet another fight as Flurrie kept daydreaming.

"Yeah, I wonder what kind of drugs they've all taken to behave like that," Jojora muttered to herself.

"I can't help but feel a little out of place," Noki confessed. Just at that moment, Watt burst past her with a witch hat in hands, she was closely followed by Vivian.

"Give it back!" besought the shadow siren.

"Yes, definitely out of place," concluded Noki.

The others were just waiting for Peach to arrive. That group consisted of Mario, Boo, Lady Bow, Daisy, Luigi, and Rosalina.

"What is she doing?" Daisy asked the others.

"If we knew, we wouldn't question it," Boo retorted, already annoyed by the stupidity of the other guests.

"Chill, she was just asking," Luigi defended his lover.

"Well, if you want my opinion, I believe she is just applying make-up to look even more beautiful than she already is!" Mario declared, lovestruck.

"Like me?" Rosalina inquired cutely.

"No, like me. So shut up this instant, moronic idiot!" Lady Bow commanded as Rosalina shrieked meekly.

…

After a useless part which only purpose was to introduce the characters present in the story, Peach finally deigned to show herself, much to the pleasure or annoyance of everyone who had been waiting for her.

"Everyone, I thank you for being present to my seventy eighth Halloween Party!" Peach cheered with glee.

"But you're not even seventy eight, so how can that be?" Boo contradicted her. Mario jumped onto his head.

"You just had to rain on her parade, didn't you?"

"I am very glad to know everyone, except Lakilulu for obvious reasons, and I hope that the people gathered here will party all night long without any disturbances!" As Peach threw her arms in the air, the lights went off.

"Nice jinxing ability you have here," Lakilulu spat rudely.

"Shut up, you're just an annoying bitch!" Boshi yelled.

Suddenly, there was a scream.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Lakilester screamed as he was stabbed repeatedly in the ass.

"OH MY GOD! LAKILESTER IS DEAD! EVERYONE PLEASE PANIC!" Diddy shouted waving his arms in the air like a madman and hitting people in the process.

"How do you know he's dead? The lights are off!" Toad pointed his finger toward Diddy.

"OW! My eye!" screamed Koopie.

"Oops, sorry!"

"Everyone and the killer, I ask that you please remain where you are because we can't see a damn thing in this castle," Mario demanded, showing his awesome leader abilities. "Dixie will go check the fuses while we all wait here even though there's probably a killer in the house. Hopefully she comes back before another murder happens."

"Okay!" Dixie smiled dumbly as she bumped into everyone on her way out.

"Hmm... Does she even know where the fuses are?" Noki asked no one in particular.

* * *

_I hope you enjoyed! The story will get even more stupid in the next chapter. Oh yeah, and most of the characters are just death fodder, but you can still root for them to survive and they might just get a small role in the story. _

_Until next time!_


	2. Investigation Team

2 : Investigation Team

Dixie took surprisingly little time to locate the fuse box and turn the lights back on, but what surprised the others the most was that she managed not to electrocute herself in the process. It was quite a feat, Peach even said, as the Toad in charge of checking the box usually died upon contact with the fuses.

But when the lights were back on, everyone gasped in disbelief at what they saw.

"Oh my god! Lakilester! NOOOOOOOO!" Lakilulu cried with sincerity.

"It's so sad," Birdo admitted, shedding a tear.

"Why didn't you take out this insurance like I told you to!" Lakilulu cried even harder. "I wouldn't even have to work anymore with the money I would have gained from your death!"

"Wow, it's even sadder now. What a cunt!" Birdo revised her judgment in a more objective way.

"Serves him right!" Bowser chuckled.

"Bowser admitted to his crime!" Goombario told everyone, acting like a little conniving bastard. Bowser threw the shrimp in the air, for revenge.

"Everyone, please calm down," Mario ordered. Nobody cared and everyone began to panic under Diddy's command.

"Let's try to find a way out guys!"

Diddy and most of the guests ran to the door and began to pull hard to get it to open. Unfortunately, it did not work and they panicked harder than before. "The door is locked! The criminal behind Lakilester's murder is coming after us!" Koops yelled. Peach was watching the scene unfold before her eyes, in deep thought.

"Hmm, if I may?" Noki inquired politely.

"Oh, please do," Diddy smiled broadly.

Noki went to the door and pushed it open. "See, sometimes you need to push a door for it to open," she explained kindly to the mentally deficient people.

"Wow, she's smart," Peach admitted, clapping for the small Noki. Boo could not help but smack his forehead at her stupidity.

"Wow thanks! You helped a bunch!" Diddy thanked her. "Now everyone, let's get outta here!" The group screamed and followed its leader's order, only to be stopped in its track.

"What now?" Watt questioned.

"Don't you see? There's a gigantic wooden bridge which blocks our path!"

"Oh, for goodness' sake!" Boo screamed in frustration. "Just lower it down!"

"Allow me," Noki offered. The inhabitant of Delfino Island located the mechanism and lowered the bridge so that the other stupid guests would be able to escape the castle. Everyone laughed in relief and showered Noki with praise.

"What would we do without you?" Diddy chuckled merrily before going back to his frantic self. "AAAAAAH! Let's escape, everyone!"

"I cannot believe this is happening," Boo grumbled, rubbing his temples. Turning his attention toward Peach, he gasped in shock. "Peach, what the HELL are you trying to accomplish with your duck tape...?"

Peach stood up and puffed her cheeks. "Well, what do you think I'm doing? I've watched films you know? I know we need to put duck tape on the floor so that people won't go near the crime scene, it's common sense!"

"Nice initiative," Mario complimented his lover. "What would we do without you?"

"Maybe we'd actually go somewhere without her," Boo muttered, thinking it was a waste of time to communicate with them. It was then that Dixie finally made her way back to the first floor.

"Hey guys! Do I need to do something else?"

"Well, you could take a bath, there's blood all over your clothes," Mario noted, going back to his investigation. Dixie looked at her pink outfit and chose to wash herself.

"Where's the bathroom?" she asked.

"On the third floor," Peach responded.

"Thanks!"

"Peach, the police use the duck tape to mark the boundaries of where the body was laying. They also make sure no one comes close to the body but most definitely not with duck tape," Boo educated her, as he snatched the duck tape from her hands.

"Well I knew th-" Peach was interrupted by the panicked people who were back in the castle.

"Peach! The Warp Pipe leading to the outside world disappeared!" Rosalina claimed, panting.

"Well, duh! The guards are already incompetent during the day, so I didn't want to take risks and allow people in the castle at night, that's why the Warp Pipe disappears every day at ten P.M and reappears at eight AM."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! What if there's an emergency?" Boo protested.

"Yeah, like, totally! What if the castle, like, is burning?" Goombella wondered like the valley girl she is.

"Hmm... Good question," Peach answered. "We didn't look at it this way..."

"Does that mean we're trapped with a killer? Luigi gulped, hiding his crotch behind his hands for a very peculiar reason.

"It smells," Daisy stated weirdly, causing Luigi to smile uneasily.

"But wait!" Donkey exclaimed. "That also means that the killer is trapped here!" Mostly everyone gasped at these news.

"Donkey, you're a genius!" Mario smiled cheesily. "I know what we're going to do! We're going to find out who the killer is and kill them before they kill us!" Everyone clapped for the great Mario, it was possibly the smartest thing he had said so far.

"Oh, maybe we should make groups too!" Tiny suggested stupidly. "I mean, sure, it doesn't really work in horror films since it becomes easier for the killer to pick everyone off but we're not in a movie, right?" Her idea was approved by most of the party-goers.

"I will be in charge of the investigation and will form the team," Mario proclaimed as he moved toward Lakilester's body. "Peach, I know your vast knowledge and your extremely useful abilities will come in handy, so you join the team."

"Yay!" The princess squealed in delight, jumping up and down. In doing so, she unfortunately broke her high-heels and rolled down the stairs pitifully.

"Boo, you're also in because... Err... I don't know. Because you were with us the whole time and certainly never committed this crime!" Mario explained as best as he could.

"Yay," Boo muttered sarcastically. "You should also choose someone who's calm and collected," he whispered in Mario's ear, hoping to get Noki in the team.

"Why, that's very smart," Mario nodded. "Diddy, you proved us you have what it takes to be a leader by staying extremely calm throughout the ordeal, you're in!"

"Thanks!" Diddy yelled, hyperventilating while Boo banged his head against the wall.

"I want in!" Lakilulu tried to force her way into the group. Kammy Koopa shot a beam of magic at her to silence her.

"No one wants a bitch like you in this team!"

"Well, I think it would be good to have yet another member in our team... Someone who knows tons of things about criminality... Someone who's great at investigating and spying..."

"Hmmm-hmmm-hmmm! That would be me!" smiled Mrs Mowz.

"You, Flurrie!" Mario crossed his arms victoriously. Mrs Mowz dropped her head in defeat.

"Oh dear! You really think I'm needed in this team, darling?" Flurrie grinned. Mario gave her a nod of the head and the wind spirit joined him. "What a fantabulous experience it shall be!"

"Well then, let's investigate!" Mario demanded as the team approached the body. "Well, I think we first need to find clues on the body."

"Hmm... Why is there ketchup all over Lakilester's body?" Flurrie wondered aloud. Boo was crestfallen while Mario, Peach and Diddy all laughed heartily.

"Flurrie, you're so droll!" Peach shook with laughter. "That was a good one!"

"It's blood, you DOLT!" Boo raged.

"Hmm... It seems like he was stabbed to death! I think it's vital not to leak that information, guys," Mario advised.

"OH MY GOD HE WAS STABBED?" Diddy hollered, going back to his panicky state.

"Several time at that," Peach pointed out.

"And in the ass," Boo imitated the others by stating obvious facts. Mario's mustache twitched, just like Flurrie's boobs.

"In that case... It might not be a murder," Mario pointed out. "Remember everyone? It was dark, so maybe Lakilester wanted to take that opportunity to have a great time but unfortunately mistook his, errrrr, 'device' for a knife and then proceeded to stab himself in this part of his anatomy..."

"My! I certainly don't utter such an exclamation to make it look like I understood Mario's conclusions!" Flurrie smiled, intertwining her fingers.

"He basically means that he mistook his dildo for a knife," Boo declared bluntly. Flurrie had a look of extreme interrogation on her face.

"What's that?" Boo almost choked.

"MOVING ON! It can't be a suicide because, one, the murder weapon is missing, two, I doubt Lakilester would be able to stab himself seven times in a row before dying, three, I have reasons to believe that the killer didn't want to kill him actually," Boo elaborated. "I think the blackout caused the assassin to stab Lakilester instead of Lakilulu."

"That wouldn't surprise me," Peach agreed. "But then it means that everyone's a suspect!"

"Whatever do you mean, dearie?" Flurrie struggled to understand.

"Well, no one likes Lakilulu, she's been a thorn in our side ever since we met her and I don't think I actually invited her and Lakilester at this party, so it must be the work of the killer," Peach developed, showing that she had a brain on some occasions.

"Actually, Parakarry dropped a letter in Flower Field, that's how I was able to come here!" Lakilulu retorted. Mario gasped as he realized she had been spying on them the whole time. He immediately headbutted her while Peach smacked her face with her crown, Diddy followed by kicking her in the face while Flurrie flattened her. Boo disposed of the unconscious body in the trash can.

"Now that's some team work," Diddy applauded. The whole room erupted in cheers and laughter when suddenly, a gunshot rang into the room.

"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" screamed one of the females. A bullet had grazed her shoulder but she was fine. However, she did not seem to want to shut up. Diddy began to lead everyone out of the castle once again, leaving Mario, Peach, Boo and Flurrie with Koopie Ko.

"Ugh, why won't this idiot shut up?" Mario complained.

Flurrie took a random sofa which was lying about and threw it on Koopie who died a slow and painful death.

"Thank you Flurrie, that was some awesome skills you showed there! I knew we could count on you!" Peach giggled lightly.

"Are you FREAKING kidding me? Flurrie just killed Koopie and you brush it off like it's nothing?!" Boo let out, disbelief written all over his face.

"She didn't kill Koopie, she shut her up, there's a big difference here," Mario defended his friend. "Besides, who cares about Koopie?"

Boo calmed down. "True, I couldn't stand her."

"There, everything's settled!" Mario smiled.

"Well... The killer's kind of lame," Boo noticed. "They missed both Lakilulu and Koopie, the second only died because of an unfortunate accident."

Dixie came back to the main hall where she saw the four investigators. She waved to them and asked them a question. "How is it going?"

"Pretty good!" Peach replied. "Toadsworth hasn't bothered me since I last saw him, so that's always a plus!" Dixie gave her a very big and creepy smile and advanced toward the group.

"Say, dear, could you please tell everyone that Koopie died from the consequences of her injury?" Flurrie asked her, sweating profusely as she did so.

"No problem!" Dixie grinned as she galloped out of the room.

Mario sighed as he kicked Lakilester one last time. "Our investigation is at a stalemate, I don't think we can resolve the case as of now."

Peach concentrated hard on the subject and thought furiously, showing a pained expression. Finally she relaxed as she realized there was one thing they had yet to investigate. "What about the murder weapon? We still haven't found it!"

"Splendastic!" cheered Flurrie for no reason. "Let's take a look around while the others mourn Koopie's pathetic death!" Everyone chuckled while Boo looked horrified.

"But where to?" Peach wondered. "Where could we find a knife in this castle...?"

"This is a pretty good question, Peach," Mario noted, nodding and reflecting at the same time. You could see he was thinking hard because for once, he was furrowing his brow.

"Oh. my. god," Boo could not help gaping at his friends' stupidity. "I give up, let's go to the kitchen, there's probably a knife there." Boo began to walk away as the three remaining members of the team looked at each other.

"My, he seems to be quite informed, wouldn't you say so?" Flurrie pointed out, a suspicious look on her face.

Mario gave her a thumbs up. "Maybe he is the killer... We should be careful around him, there's definitely something weird going on here."

"I didn't understand," Peach concluded dumbly.


	3. Looking for Clues

**Kookylover98** : Glad you enjoyed the story so far and thanks for the reviews!

**FFWS** : I'm happy to see it made you laugh. x) Thank you for your review too!

* * *

3 : Looking for Clues

The small investigation team, minus Diddy who was still trying to look for a way out of the castle even though there was none because he had the brain of a goldfish, made its way to the kitchen. Well, at least that was what they wanted to do...

"Peach, I know that you're blonde and everything, but that doesn't give you an excuse. WHY CAN'T YOU FIND THE KITCHEN IN YOUR OWN FREAKING CASTLE?!" Boo raged as usual. His friends tended to tell him to go see a psychiatrist but he never did, thinking it was them who needed help. Unfortunately, the poor Boo had never heard of the phrase 'Ignorance is bliss'.

"Now now, Boo, no need to become aggressive or we might suspect you of being the murderer," Mario laughed heartily, patting the ghost on the back.

"Even though you clearly said last chapter that you wanted to pick me in your team because I couldn't have committed the crime?" Boo retorted, rolling his eyes.

"Well, don't look at me like that!" Mario waved his hands in defense. "Blame it on the shitty retroactive continuity."

"To answer your question, Boo, I've never set one foot in my kitchen simply because I have slaves who bring me whatever I want on a silver plate," Peach answered with glee, another one of her dumb grins plastered on her face. Flurrie joined her in her laughter.

"Well then, let's investigate this place, shall we?"

"Just one thing," Boo started. "What are you hoping to find in a broom closet...?"

Flurrie looked at him with a 'Duh' look on her face. And yes, she can be very expressive in spite of her numerous surgeries. "Obviously I'm looking for weapons so that we'll be able to defend ourselves if the killer attacks, dearie." Just then, she heard someone approaching from behind and in one swift motion, she grabbed a broom and swung at the mysterious person with all her might, sending them crashing in the opposing wall.

"Nice one Flurrie!" Peach cheered excitedly as Boo's face paled.

"Are you crazy?! What if she killed-"

"So now you realize, Boo," Mario reprimanded him. "You shouldn't jump the gun before you have all the information you need."

"Aww, too bad she didn't die," Peach pouted slightly as the team went to kick Lakilulu's unconscious corpse with great strength. "So, what kind of weapon could I find here...? Oh! A bucket full of water, that might come in handy. We could even combo the killer, Flurrie!"

Boo sat on the floor, weeping. "And how would you do that, dare I ask?"

"Easy one!" Peach smiled as she started explaining her convoluted plan. "Let's suppose that we find out who's the killer, we'll catch them thanks to our super trap! First, Mario will run after them while I put water on the stairs. Then, hopefully, the killer will keep going straight and that's where my plan comes into action. Because of the water, the murderer will slip and tumble down the staircase. Flurrie will then give them a good whack with her broom and send them flying toward Mario who will jump and punch them in the face! That's what I meant!"

Boo was at a loss for words. "Unbelievable."

"I know, right?" Peach giggled. Boo simply buried his head into his arms.

"And I'll pick this handy-dandy AK-47!" Mario claimed happily.

"What the hell?" Boo's face was contorted with extreme puzzlement.

"No time to waste! Let's go to the kitchen! There might still be some clues," Mario demanded as he picked up a conveniently placed map that was on the wall.

As Boo wondered how he befriended those people, the group made its way to the kitchen which was on the first floor, near Lakilester's body. Upon arriving on the crime scene, they were shocked to see that Lakilester's body had disappeared.

"Goodness gracious! Where did Lakilester go?" Peach asked no one in particular.

"That is a fairly interesting question considering he's dead," Mario agreed, rubbing his chin.

"My! I don't even see Peach's duck tape on the floor!" Flurrie exclaimed. Boo slapped his three companions.

"Idiots! Lakilester's body's right behind you!"

Mario, Peach, Flurrie and Lakilulu chuckled as they realized their mistake. And then the first three proceeded to punch Lakilulu.

"Now that that's taken care of, let's go to the kitchen and leave the body without any watch. Hopefully, no vital clues will disappear!" Mario grinned as he high-fived the killer who was waiting for the team to go somewhere else.

The four 'investigators' made their way to the kitchen this time and began to look for something that could have been used as a murder weapon. Upon entering, Boo immediately went to the drawers, looking for a knife. "You guys look somewhere else, I don't want anyone disrupting my research!"

"Geez, someone's PMSing hard over there," Peach commented as the three morons burst into a fit of laughter.

"That was quite the joke," Flurrie winked. The mauve wind spirit scanned the room with her eyes and immediately located a knife with strawberry jam on it. How did she do it? Well... Let's just say that the room was spotless except for the table on which was laying the knife. "You should fire the Toad in charge of cleaning, dearie."

Peach took out a megaphone from her dress and shouted in it. "TOAD, YOU'RE FIRED!"

Meanwhile, Toad tried to perform suicide by jumping over the castle bridge, forgetting that there was a body of water right under it. "Well, fuck you!" he screamed in frustration.

Anyway, back to the kitchen... Flurrie took the knife in her hands and put it in the sink, turning on the faucet. "Hmm, this is rather unbecoming of an actress of my rank, but I suppose I can compromise just this one time and try to wash this knife." She took a sponge and bleach and began to give the knife a good scrub. "Now that's more like it!" she smiled, pleased with herself.

"Hey Boo, I found the murder weapon!" Peach and Mario yelled at the same time. They looked at each other, puzzled.

Alerted by the noise, the ghost turned toward them. "Just... Urgh. Let's get this over with."

"Still more strawberry jam? Now, you don't want to mess with Flurrie!"

"I found a spoon!" Peach cheered excitedly. "And I believe it's the murder weapon because it was on the wrong place!"

"Oh, really?" Boo raised an eyebrow, completely uninterested.

"Yeah!" Peach replied, oblivious to the Boo's sarcasm. "I believe Lakilester was bludgeoned to death!" Boo smacked his forehead.

"He was stabbed to death, seven times in a row you bumbling fool!" Peach dropped her head in shame.

"I wonder how all that strawberry jam managed to get on the knife... My, that's rather mysterious! This knife is fourteen inches long, after all," Flurrie pondered.

"And what about you, Mario?"

"I found the murder weapon... This suspicious yogurt!" Mario stated, raising the pot of yogurt in the air.

"Mario, you stupid moronic buffoon! He was stabbed to death! He never choked on a yogurt!"

"Or was he?" Mario responded mysteriously. "Maybe he actually was poisoned by this yogurt, died, and then was stabbed seven times in a row in the ass, so that we would assume that the murder weapon is a knife!" the plumber explained triumphantly.

"That doesn't make sense!" Boo actually wanted to die at this point, but was painfully reminded that he was supposedly already dead.

"There!" Flurrie chuckled. "I finally washed this suspicious knife!" Boo finally took a look at her and his jaw dropped to the floor.

"Thank you so much Flurrie! I had just come back from the manicure!" Peach grinned from ear to ear, overjoyed.

"Wow, what a nice knife, it seems that someone sharpened it recently. That could make an ideal weapon, too bad there's no blood on it! I guess the murderer made off with the true murder weapon," Mario theorized.

"This is a nightmare," Boo concluded.

"Well, at least we learned that the killer is crafty, they were able to hide a knife on their personage," Mario summed up.

"And I've learned that you had reached a new low," Boo added.

"Let's check up on Diddy, maybe he did find something during his own personal investigation," Peach suggested, leading the team out of the kitchen. "Besides, we have yet to report on our new findings."

"Which findings?" Boo asked. "The only thing we found out was that Flurrie was dumb enough to clean the only thing which could have led us somewhere!"

Peach shook her head. "Boo, stop being pessimistic, I know you fear for your life but that's no reason to be such a downer! Look on the bright side, Lakilulu might die if the murders don't stop anytime soon!"

Boo looked pensive for a minute. "You're right, that might not be so bad."

"The bitch will probably go down soon!" Mario laughed with glee, jinxing the whole party.

"Besides, we're the main characters, my dears! There's no way we'll be dying!" Flurrie asserted.

Knowing that they were safe, the four investigators returned to the main hall where they were greeted by Diddy, the fifth member of their team. Only a few people remained in the biggest room of the castle for the rest of the cast had decided to split up under Tiny's idiotic advice.

"Alright Jojora, spill the beans!" Diddy yelled in her face, some spit splashing her. "Where were you at the time of the murder?" Jojora looked incredibly annoyed, looking as though she wanted to obliterate the monkey.

"I was in the main hall the whole time, much like the others," retorted the ice fairy. "C'mon, what's the point? Everyone was in the main hall at that time, including the killer. Unless they were good at throwing knives, but considering they missed Koopie by a long shot, I'd say that's not the case. And nobody can beat me anyway, since I'M THE STRONGEST!" Jojora shouted, making a not so hidden reference to another game franchise.

"Right, you may leave," Diddy nodded, looking over his notes. "And don't forget to panic before getting killed, it'll be easier for us to locate your position and arrive soon after you're dead if you do so."

"Hey, what's in it for me then?"

Diddy threw the ice fairy on the floor and slapped her. "Stop being so selfish and think of the other people who might be saved in doing so! I cannot believe how egotistical you are, seriously. And just because your life is in danger too..."

"Retard!" Jojora insulted as she kicked him in the crotch. Mario had a pained expression on his face as he saw the scene happening before his eyes.

"His poor crown jewels," Boo sympathized. Peach and Flurrie cast a glance at each other, visibly wondering what Boo was talking about. The former looked at her crown while the latter inspected Diddy and tried to find where he had hidden his jewels, to no avail.

"So, Diddy, what was that all about?" Mario asked once the chimpanzee had regained his composure. "We acquired vital information thanks to our research. First of all, we discovered that the killer had made off with the murder weapon, which means that they must have pockets or something to hide the weapon on their body. If we combine that with the fact that the killer doesn't know how to aim a gun and doesn't even know how to handle a short range weapon, we might get somewhere. We've also learned that Lakilester wasn't the intended target, that Lakilulu was a biotch, and we don't know yet why Koopie was killed but since nobody cares about her, I guess it doesn't matter much. We know for sure that Mario, Boo, Peach, Flurrie and Diddy aren't the culprits because that's us-"

Boo cut him off. "Neither is Lakilulu. Remember, she was unconscious and in the trash can at the time of Koopie's death." Peach had already stopped listening for Mario's discourse was way too lengthy and Flurrie was trying to make it look like she understood by nodding each time she deemed wise. Diddy was snoring loudly, waiting for his time to speak and finally, Boo was too busy thinking about what had truly happened.

"You may be right, but I don't like her so she's not in the clear," Mario decided smartly. "Anyway, we have yet to find anything about the gun the killer used to kill Koopie-" Boo was suddenly victim of a coughing fit. "-and I think that's about it. We definitely made progress today." Noticing that Diddy was sleeping, Mario jumped on his belly.

"OWWWW!" Diddy screamed in pain as the fat plumber laughed. "Oh, it's my turn? Well, dear princess Peach, today I learned that friendship was magic, that panicking was the solution to everything and that being part of the investigation team was almost a guaranty to survive until the end of the killings."

"Thanks, my dear student! I take note of that," Peach said, sounding as if she could not care less. Which was obviously the case.

"Oh, and I've been taking everyone's statement. The guests all said that at the time of Lakilester's murder they were all in the main hall," Diddy added in an afterthought.

"Hmm, that definitely helps our case," Mario rubbed his chin, contrary to Boo who was rubbing his temples.

"How so? That was pointless, we already knew that everyone was in the main hall, and that was the main reason why we thought everyone could have been the killer! Alzheimer much?" Boo recalled. "I'm so frustrated I could just scream. Actually, I think I'm going to scream." Boo took a deep breath. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AH!"

Everyone looked at him in silence. "You know you can talk to me if you have problems," Peach told him in a kind and considerate way. The ghost only glared at her.

"Say, what now?" Flurrie questioned.

"We take a break. We could use one after all," Mario pointed out.

…

Meanwhile, on the second floor, Lakilulu was complaining as per usual. "Ugh, why am I even here in the first place? Oh right, that's because of this stupid mailman! I swear I can't believe I was dragged into this mess!" whined the obnoxious Lakitu as she flipped her hair.

The killer was not so far behind her, a chainsaw in their hands. "Now, there's no way I'm gonna miss this cunt!" they encouraged themselves. They started the chainsaw and ran toward Lakilulu, but they were careful enough to close their eyes so that no blood would blind them. The criminal ran faster and faster until the chainsaw met a body.

"AAAAAAAAH-OOOOOOOOH-YEEAAAAAAAAAAAAH-OUCH-UUUUUAARGH!" screamed the victim in agony.

"That's how it's do-" the murderer stopped. "Oh fuck this."

"What happened here?" yelled Parakarry who had been alerted by the noise. He turned round the corner and was faced with a body cut in half. Looking up, he clearly saw the criminal's face. Panicking like he had been taught, the Paratroopa flew down the hallway toward the main hall.

…

"You know what? This break wasn't such a bad idea after all," Boo complimented Mario in a rare moment of kindness.

"You're right dearie, I almost forgot to apply my thirty sixth layer of foundation cream," Flurrie smiled happily.

"And I almost broke a nail while searching those drawers back in the kitchen," Peach agreed. Boo was already annoyed.

"Not to mention that I had forgotten to shut off my computer, thank goodness nobody looked at it while I was gone," Mario shifted his eyes nervously. But unfortunately for him, Watt had browsed through his favorites while he was gone. She will never be the same anymore.

"Oh well, it's great to have time to relax!" Diddy grinned. "OH MY GOD A FLY, KILL IT KILL IT KILL IIIIIIIIT!" he panicked. Soon Lady Bow was slapping him relentlessly.

"Hopefully, no one will disturb us!" Peach smiled, her arms shooting up, which was usually a bad omen.

"Oh no, you did not do th-"

Parakarry burst into the room and crashed onto the floor, twitching weirdly.

"What happened?" asked Toadette.

"ROSALINA IS DEAD! I SAW IT ALL!" Parakarry cried in Toadette's ear, making her partially deaf.

Everyone present in the main hall gasped and unfortunately the team was too dumb to take note of the people that were present in there. "Well, no time to rest, let's go!"

* * *

_Next chapter, you'll see that our favorite investigators aren't the only dumb ones!_

_Well, that's it for now! I hope you enjoyed and please review!_


	4. Parakarry's Testimony

_Warning : A certain part of this chapter is particularly gory (well, not that much to me but still), I would recommand not reading the big wall of text during Parakarry's testimony. You won't miss much if you don't read it._**  
**

**PSU** : I'm glad you enjoyed the story so far and don't worry, I'll finish the story. It obviously won't be as long as the Mole. Now, speaking of The Mole, I think that I will make one but I honestly don't have time for this right now. I still need to think of new challenge ideas (I'm good with the settings and characters), I don't even know who will be the Mole as I can't choose between five players (they would all make great Moles). Basically, I need to work on the planning, because during my first Mole story I was mostly improvising and writing as I went. :p Thanks for your reviews!

**Kookylover98** : XD, I'm glad Boo makes you laugh, you're right he's one of the only sane ones. But for how long?

**Kai** : I'm glad you enjoyed the story! Yeah, my favorite genre is actually 'parody'! I'm glad you like the characters' personalities, most of them are stupid. And Lakilulu is... Urgh... Now you understand why I always want her dead in your stories? XD Thanks for your reviews!

**Moley Koopa** : Thank you for reviewing. I'm happy you like this story and indeed, Boo and Noki are the only smart people there. Well, maybe there are some others, but everyone else is stupid in their own way.

* * *

4 : Parakarry's Testimony

Mario, Diddy, Peach, Flurrie and Boo had all heard about Rosalina's demise and were rushing upstairs when suddenly, Boo stopped them, realizing that some things needed to be done before checking on the new dead body.

"Guys, wait a second, we have tons of things to do right now," Boo demanded strictly.

"Oh my! Such as?" wondered the oblivious Flurrie who had already forgotten everything about the investigation.

"Oh, that's true! Good thinking, Boo!" Peach smiled broadly. Boo raised an eyebrow.

"So you know what I'm talking about?" he asked, quite impressed. "Wow, that must be a first, you usually can't think for yourself... Really, I'm impressed, you really improved." Peach nodded madly, clasping her hands together.

"I forgot to brush my teeth!"

"Oh, me too!" exclaimed Flurrie, Diddy and Mario simultaneously. Boo shook in anger, trying not to kill his friends.

"Thank you so much Peach! I knew your abilities would be an asset to this team," Mario complimented her. "Surely, we wouldn't want to have a bad dental hygiene. It would be unbecoming of professionals."

Boo choked on his own saliva. "Professionals? Don't make me laugh. Anyway, that wasn't my point! There are several things to do and to my great regret I can't split my body and do everything at once."

"Silly Boo, we're a team! Leave this to us!" was Peach's answer, to which Boo twitched.

"HELL NO! Err, I mean, don't bother," Boo corrected himself as everyone was staring at him weirdly. "What I mean was that... Don't touch anything, okay? Take photographs with this convenient camera that appeared out of nowhere and don't touch anything! Since I'm the smartest-" Most of the assembly began to cough madly, disagreeing with the ghost. "-I said, since _I'm_ the smartest-" Boo shot a death glare at his detractors. "-I'll take care of the most vital piece of information we're going to get, which is-"

"Oh, I know, I know!" Peach interrupted her, waving her hand in front of his face. She unfortunately hit Toadette who was listening to the discussion, knocking her out. "Whoopsie!" Flurrie, Mario and Diddy simply laughed.

"Yes, Peach...?" Boo replied, definitely annoyed because of her stupidity. However, he also knew that she would insist forever if he were to refuse, so he thought he might as well get this over with.

"The menu for tonight?" Boo could not help but punch her in the face.

"Most definitely NOT!" he screamed in frustration.

"When will my new movie come out?" Flurrie giggled to herself. She was also punched.

"Peach giving me a small sexual favor?" Mario wondered aloud. He was kicked in the groin.

"What the- I did NOT need to know that," Boo reacted in disgust. "Seriously Mario, keep your sexual life to yourself!" He then turned toward Diddy.

The monkey began to open his mouth... "Is it-" ...but ended up getting punched as well as Boo thought he was going to say something stupid.

"Anyway," Boo carried on, visibly ticked off, "I was talking about Parakarry's testimony, you morons! He told us he saw everything, which should also include the criminal. And knowing you, you'd be able to dismiss this fact. But!"

"He said 'butt'!" Diddy laughed immaturely as Boo turned red and beat him to a pulp. "Ouch." He then proceeded to cry.

"As I was saying, you guys can investigate the crime scene, but don't forget to take pictures when you get there!"

"Sure thing, darling! It shall make a nice souvenir album!" Flurrie squealed in delight.

"...I'm not even going to question that."

"But you did it indirectly," Mario pointed out.

"Why are you being smart when it pisses me off the most?" Boo finally broke down, crying to his heart's content.

"Maybe the stars want to punish you for your sins?" Mario hypothesized.

"The only sinners are your parents," Boo retorted as the other four gasped. Then Flurrie rubbed her chin, apparently in deep thought.

"What are we gasping for, may I ask?" questioned the wind spirit.

"Don't know, don't care!" Peach sang. "It's way too philosophical for me to understand anyway," she dismissed the question with a nonchalant wave of her hand. The others were thinking along the same lines and attested to this with a nod of the head.

"And finally, there's still the matter of the gun. Where did it go? And more importantly, where did it come from?" Boo ignored them.

"There's only one gun in this castle, and it's in Toadsworth's bedroom!" Peach notified the group of this important fact. "Which is on the third floor, room twenty two!" Boo slapped her. "What was that for?" Peach cried, her feelings hurt.

"This slap...was for being an idiot! You can't remember where your kitchen is in this castle but you know exactly that a gun is in Toadsworth's bedroom and you even know where his bedroom is?!" Boo half-questioned, half-yelled.

"I can't change who I am! You're so mean!" she insulted the ghost as she went to the weeping corner, with Diddy. He gave her a handkerchief.

"Welcome, sister."

Boo rubbed his temples, his temper growing very thin. "Thanks to you morons, we wasted valuable time! The killer might have erased some clues! Unless they're as stupid as you are," he added in an afterthought. "With that said, go!" he ordered, walking away to talk to Parakarry.

"Obviously, I'm going with Peach! And since Peach is the only one who knows where Toadsworth's bedroom is, we'll look for the murder weapon!" Mario decided. "Besides, I have faith in the two of you, Diddy and Flurrie! You are the most qualified members of the team after all!" Mario smiled, sending the most inept people to the crime scene.

"Don't worry, we'll make you proud!" Diddy grinned, swelling with pride. "Let's go Flurrie!"

"I'm right behind you!" giggled Flurrie. It was stupid, as she was faster than him and thus, ahead of him.

Diddy suddenly stopped. "Hmm... I forgot to ask before, but, hmm... Where's the crime scene?"

Flurrie also came to a halt. "Oh, dear... Well, this is a good question... I'm stumped." Diddy started running in circles, panicking, and Flurrie followed suit, as she had been told that the leader was always doing the right thing.

Noki walked past them, intrigued. "I'd better not question them..."

…

Boo led Parakarry to a small table in the corner of the main hall. The white creature had deemed necessary to get as far as he could from the other guests, as his health depended on it. Upon arriving, the courteous Boo made a small polite gesture indicating that he wanted the flying turtle to sit down.

"Oh no, I'll be alright. Ladies first!" answered Parakarry with a grin. At that point, Boo knew that he would have trouble with his testimony.

"Soooo... Parakarry... You told us previously that you had been a witness to Rosalina's murder, care to elaborate on that point and share what you know with me?" Boo inquired, trying his best to remain nice.

"Yes but... Why would I tell you?" Parakarry questioned, suspicious. Boo smacked his forehead in irritation.

"I'm part of the investigation team, remember?" Parakarry cocked his head to the side. "The only sane and intelligent investigator?"

"You mean Mario?"

"Well fuck you!" Boo growled, holding the Paratroopa by his collar. "You will tell me what I want to know RIGHT NOW!"

Trembling in fear, Parakarry nodded. "O-okay... No need to resort to violence..."

"Well, trust me on this, it's the only way I have to get answers in this damn castle," Boo cursed, letting go of his interlocutor. "So, you will tell me everything you know. Now."

Parakarry nodded excitedly. "Well okay! At around a quarter to twelve, I heard a scream coming from the corridor right next to me," recalled the mailman as Boo smiled, pleased with the testimony so far. "I didn't exactly see the murder happening, but my awesome deductive skills allowed me to comprehend this tragedy."

Boo raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. "Your awesome deductive skills?"

"Yeah! Rosalina was sawed in half and there was someone with a chainsaw next to her body," developed the winged turtle.

"There's nothing awesome about this. Even Flurrie would figure it out."

"You're just jealous," Parakarry retorted, sticking his tongue. "Anyway, my guess is that the killer used the chainsaw to murder Rosalina. There was a rather clean cut which looked like a curved V-shape. So I think the criminal used his weapon like this!" Parakarry stood up from his position, took the chair in his hands and swung it as if he were playing baseball. A loud crack could be heard right after this. "Oops... My apologies!" Boo had a weird look on his face.

"Why are you apologizing? You hit Lakilulu."

"Oh sorry, I thought I had hurt someone important," Parakarry chuckled. Boo joined him in his laughter.

"It's okay, I understand what you mean. So, if could could please continue with your testimony..." Boo trailed off, smirking as a little troop was fighting against Lakilulu in the distance.

"Okay, so as I said, it was a clean curved cut, and blood was splattered everywhere. On the floor, on the killer, on the walls... The lower part of her anatomy was kinda like a geyser. Or like a fountain! Yes, it was like a fountain and raining like there was no tomorrow. Anyway, where was I...? Oh yeah! Well, the body was cut and stuff, but apparently that wasn't all! Yeah, it wasn't a superficial wound, I can tell you that much. Her guts were writhing about, her pancreas was also cut and I could see that she had just eaten some sort of potato chips – don't ask me what brand it was, I was only able to tell that they were bolognese ones – oh, and did I say that half of her large intestine was sprawled on the floor, next to her? Her small intestine was still inside her body, but I could see it dangling down from her lower body. Hmm, what else did I see?" Parakarry was deep in thought. "Oh yeah! Duh, how could I forget that? Her dress was ripped so I could see her boobs!" Parakarry began to giggle, a moronic grin plastered on his stupid face. "Oh, and I suppose I didn't mention that one of her bones was twisted – I had never seen a bone from the inside before, what about you? – of course, it goes without saying that the scene was extremely gory, her flesh was torn, I don't think I could have pieced it together anyway, there were pieces of skin everywhere. I tasted it since I'm so weird, but it wasn't that good... Maybe some ketchup would've done the trick? Anyway, I'm rambling but I believe that's all I've seen. Well, I tried to cut out the details – see what I did there? - but I still had to testify about what I'd witnessed."

Boo had progressively turned greener and greener as Parakarry was going on with his testimony when finally, he could not hold it anymore and barfed. He was kind enough to move his head a little, but unfortunately, his vomit landed on Yoshi who had a disgusted expression on his face.

"Eww, gross!" Yoshi yelled in revulsion. Boo was still trying to find his bearings.

"His testimony was gross," Boo only said. Yoshi had yet to forgive him.

"You could at least say you're sorry!" barked the green dinosaur. Boo finally snapped.

"Oh shut up, it's your fault if I barfed on you, idiot! You were walking besides me after all," Boo accused, being insincere.

Yoshi dropped his jaw as Boo went on. "Besides, you're already green, it doesn't change a thing to your complexion if you want my opinion."

"Oh, really?" Yoshi crossed his arms. "Let's see what you say, now." Yoshi spat on Boo. "Oh, I'm so sorry, I so didn't mean to do that but it's kinda your fault since you were in front of me the whole time. Oh, but don't worry, you're already white so no hard feelings?" Yoshi soliloquized. He then walked away as Boo was still in shock over what had happened.

"Fierce bitch," Wario commented. Toadette was right next to him, still suffering from partial deafness.

"How dare you? I will NOT fist you, you ugly cow!" she shouted, totally misunderstanding Wario's words. She also kicked him in the crotch for good measure.

"Oh, girls..." Wario groaned, holding his crown's jewels.

Boo tried to clean himself but after a while, he decided he would wash himself as soon as he was done taking Parakarry's statement. "Anyway, back on topic. Your description, apart from being totally repulsive and gross, lacked something."

Parakarry was astonished. "What? Really?"

"Hmm... Well... The one thing I wanted to know wasn't in it anyway, and it was the whole reason why I decided to interrogate you in the first place. You said you saw the killer, who is it?"

"Well, the killer wasn't wearing any hood if that's what you're wondering, and they also seemed frustrated for some reason... I mean, they did bang their head against the wall..."

"That's great. All I want is the name of the culprit."

Parakarry began to panic. "Err, well... It's beautiful outside, wouldn't you say so?"

Boo narrowed his eyes. "Speak or die."

"OKAY, OKAY, I FESS UP!" Parakarry screamed suddenly, the capital letters showing that already. "I don't remember who had the chainsaw in their hands."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Hmm...?" Parakarry tried.

"I. am. going. to. kill. you. fucking. TWAT!" Boo raged with a intensity of a thousand fiery suns. Raising his chair above his head, he suddenly brought it down, narrowly missing the turtle's head.

"Help! Help! Mayde!" Parakarry shouted as he was escaping Boo's wrath. With herculean strength, the ghost lifted up a table and threw it toward Parakarry who avoided just in time by diving to the floor. Sushie was not as lucky and was seen flying in the air, cursing her heart out.

"Where is he?" Boo asked no one in particular, scanning the room with his eyes. When he realized that Parakarry had disappeared, he sighed. "Well, revenge is a dish best served cold, or at least that's what they say."

Sushie finally landed with no serious injury, but did not realize it as she was still busy cursing at everything. "CENSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORED CENSORED CENSOOOOOOORED." Her colorful language was just way too shocking to be reported, even by this story's standards. Which are quite low.

Boo was afraid she would realize he was responsible for her flight, so he decided to run away. "To the bathroom!"

* * *

_Parakarry sure is a moron if he can't recall the murderer's face, especially since it was clearly stated that he had seen it last chapter._

_Next time, we'll see how the teams of Mario & Peach and Diddy & Flurrie have fared during their own investigations. _

_If you think of everything that has happened so far, you should have an idea as to who the killer is. Just think carefully and the answer will naturally come to you._


	5. Astounding Idiocy

**Kookylover98** : Haha, well, Boo needs to be here otherwise the killer will probably get their way. XD Thanks for your review!

**Moley Koopa** : And the situation is only going to get worse for our favorite Boo. :p Thank you for reviewing!

**PSULucky** : I knew I remembered these initials from somewhere! ^^ I really liked your stories! Well, a little bit of mystery can't hurt, can it? :p You reminding me of a Mole fic actually helped me, I found two new challenge ideas when I read your review last time. Thank you and I hope you will enjoy this chapter. ^^

**Light Speed508** : Thank you for your support and I see you empathized with poor Boo. Xp

* * *

5 : Astounding Idiocy

While Boo was interrogating Parakarry and finding answers to his numerous questions, Mario and Peach had decided to look for the other 'murder' weapon which had 'killed' Koopie an hour before and Flurrie and Diddy were trying to find clues on Rosalina's body. Of course, they needed at least twenty minutes to reach the crime scene, for they were quite dim and had a poor sense of direction.

"Where's the next shop at, dearie?" Flurrie asked Diddy who was carrying tons of bags on his back.

"I...don't know," panted the chimpanzee, dropping all of Flurrie's purchases onto the floor. "Remind me not to go shopping with you," he added in an afterthought.

Flurrie giggled delicately. "Well, thank goodness we didn't have to pay this time around!" exclaimed the actress. "Oh, dear, I never knew Peach was so generous! Did you see all the items that were sold? It was splentabulous!"

Truth was there was no store in Princess Peach's castle. Flurrie simply thought she could purchase stuff when she came across Peach's attic, and Diddy, being the moron he is, never really thought about it either. Basically, that made the both of them burglars.

Diddy shook his head strongly. "Are you kidding me? You had to give me CRP when I realized that one of the tables was missing a leg! It was so awful!" Diddy cried, hysterical.

Flurrie looked at him, totally oblivious. "What's CRP again, dearie?"

Diddy raised an eyebrow. "Well... I was having a seizure and you saved me."

Flurrie clapped her hands together. "Oh right, oh sorry, I didn't mean to throw a sideboard on your belly! Thank goodness you're alright!"

The monkey nodded, grinning at her. "There's nothing the great Diddy can't overco-" Diddy fainted suddenly as he caught a glimpse of blood on the wallpaper. Flurrie gasped in shock and tried to hide her fear as she suddenly noticed that there was blood under Diddy's frame.

"Oh my god, Diddy's dead!" Flurrie waved her hands around, hitting various objects which crashed on the floor. "Whoops... Oh, dear! I have this most splendastic idea!" she giggled, returning to her oblivious self. "I shall transform into nurse Flurrie!" she yelled, waiting for some special effects. After a minute or two, she concluded it was useless.

"What to do? What to do?" Flurrie tried to make it look like she was thinking, but nobody would be fooled if they were here. However, she did manage to fool herself into thinking she had a good grip on the situation, so that was always a plus. "My lovely broom! It will bring back Diddy to life!"

The stupid wind spirit started beating up Diddy's body as the monkey yelled for his life. "OW! STOP IT! SOMEONE'S MURDERING MEEEEEEE!"

Flurrie put her hand to her mouth in surprise and suddenly rejoiced. "Hurray! You are not dead, dear! I saved you!"

Diddy looked a little groggy and numerous bruises covered his body. "Yeah... Thanks, I guess? But, OH MY GOD, BLOOD!" Diddy fainted again. And Flurrie repeated her previous actions.

"Why do you keep bleeding to death and reviving?"

"Flurrie, I've never died. It's Rosalina's blood... Eh, blood..." Diddy fainted yet another time.

"Well, I definitely cannot work with Diddy if he keeps on fainting... Oh, I know! I'll clean this hallway! Hopefully, the murder weapon which is just laying on the floor won't disappear while I'm gone!" Flurrie chuckled merrily, leaving the crime scene.

Seconds after she was gone, the murderer picked up the chainsaw and hid it somewhere safe, leaving behind them footprints as well as another piece of evidence. Clearly, they were dumb as well.

Flurrie came back to the hallway and rubbed her chin. "I have the mysterious feeling that something is out of place here," she claimed, her eyes scanning the room and failing to notice a large pink piece of fabric located where the murder weapon once was. "My memory must be failing me!" she quickly dismissed the thought. She soaked her trusty broom in a bucket full of water and began washing the floor, erasing all sort of proofs. Using bleach, she completely messed up the crime scene, making future analysis useless, not that she even realized it. "Well, that's already nicer!" she cheered excitedly, picking up the pink piece of fabric and stuffing it in a trash bag.

Diddy was then woken up delicately, as the broomhandle met his head repeatedly. "Flurrie, you saved me!" he grinned dumbly as he started jumping all over the place. Unfortunately, Flurrie had forgotten to warn him about the wet floor and what had to happen happened : he crashed into the wall after a cartwheel. "That could have gone better," he commented, whining slightly.

Lakilulu suddenly appeared out of nowhere and bitched about something insignificant. "I can't believe how rude he was! I mean, the man had some nerves! How dare he call me a bitch? I'm really nice and everything! People are just a bunch of losers, I swear. Ugh, this castle stinks, Peach is such a slut! I hate her guts! I hate everyone here!"

"Like, I totally understand, gurl!" Goombella nodded next to her, verifying her earplugs were not visible. "That was, like, sooooo totally uncalled for!" The archeologist looked at her watch and decided that she would make another comment in two minutes.

"Yeah, I know!" Lakilulu complained. Suddenly, she tripped over Rosalina's body. "Argh, what's with this stupid cow?" Seeing the helpless Lakitu on the floor, Flurrie and Diddy could not let that occasion go. They ran at full speed toward the whiny brat and punched her in the nose. Lakilulu fainted, so they picked her up and threw her down the stairway. Goombella winked at them and removed her earplugs, now safe from any harm.

"Anyway, returning to the investigation," Diddy started, getting back on topic. "I think I found something suspicious! Are we sure this is really Rosalina? She doesn't seem to have a chest..."

"Of course it's her, darling. However, I do believe mother nature didn't give her the same advantages as myself!" Flurrie exposed her chest proudly as Diddy nodded, staring in amazement. he was about to ask something, when Flurrie interrupted him. "These are real. I swear!" she added as Diddy raised an eyebrow.

"Whatever you say," he finally replied. "Oh, a nice scarf!" Diddy giggled as he pulled at it. He heard a snap and looked angrily at Rosalina. "You could share some of your stuff now that you're dead!" he exclaimed, disgust displayed on his face.

"I wonder why there was a scarf in her body. Strange eating habits, if you ask me," Flurrie noticed.

"I know, right?" Diddy confirmed, putting the 'scarf' around his neck. It was then that Boo finally arrived to supervise the operation, hoping that they would have at least managed to find one little thing which would help him.

Unfortunately, that was not the case. That was _never_ the case, he should have known it.

Instead, he stared in shock at the hallway. Flurrie and Diddy glanced at each other from the corner of their eyes and smiled sheepishly, somewhat scared.

"What did you do to the crime scene...?" Boo finally managed to ask, after taking deep breaths. "There's no blood, the body is lying against the wall, the murder weapon is nowhere to be seen and- What the FUCK? Diddy, what are you doing with Rosalina's intestines around your neck?!" Boo screamed.

Diddy spat on the body. "She wouldn't leave me her scarf, so I had to take it myself!" Diddy justified his actions. Besides him, Flurrie was wondering what an 'intestine' was, so she could not really attest to Diddy's claims.

"You mean, you ripped her bloody insides yourself?" Boo scratched his head in confusion. "But the simple sight of blood should be enough to make you faint, I don't understand how-"

Flurrie began to whistle not so inconspicuously, which made Boo narrow his eyes. Seeing Boo's stare, the wind spirit looked behind her shoulders, just in case there was someone behind her. Even though she was against the wall to begin with.

"Don't tell me you did that?" Boo inquired, his suspicions of Flurrie increasing.

"Well, you see, dear... It was Diddy's fault!" Flurrie shouted dramatically, throwing the monkey under the bus. "The scoundrel kept fainting all over the place, I truly had no choice but to wash the floor and the walls as well as the suspicious footprints left behind by someone!"

"YOU WHAT?"

Flurrie shrank suddenly. "Well, when Diddy fainted, I left the hallway-"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Boo yelled, astonished.

"-and when I returned, I suddenly saw footprints on the floor... Oh, and the chainsaw seemed to have disappeared, but I wonder where it went..."

"I know where it went!" Diddy smiled excitedly. "To its home, in Peach's garden!"

"But could it have grown legs in less than five minutes?" Flurrie wondered.

"It's definitely a possibility. I remember last time I smoked some weed, I tried to munch on a flying marshmallow!" Diddy chuckled, reminded of this particular event. Boo punched him in the face.

"Enough with your inane bullshit! Besides, it wasn't a flying white marshmallow, it was me, you bumbling fool!" Boo chided them with his fists. "Well, as you can see, I'm pissed off right now, but thankfully, I knew this was going to happen, so I took precautions." Diddy sent Boo a look full of ignorance to which Boo replied with a slap. "The camera!"

"Oh, well-" Diddy, started, rubbing his sore cheek.

"We lost it to Mario and Peach after a rock-paper-scissor tiebreak!" Flurrie blurted out.

"Yeah... We didn't know what to do with it, there was only one camera and two groups, and you never told us what to do with it and-" Diddy dodged to the side as Boo struck the floor with a hammer. "WHAT THE- HELP!" He and Flurrie ran away while the only smart member of the brigade was shooting them dirty looks.

"Bunch of idiots!" Boo concluded, kicking Rosalina's body to vent his frustrations.

…

As to Peach and Mario, they had taken the camera with them and decided to head to the third floor where the gun should have been located. Upon arriving there, they spent a good five minutes looking around for a switch to turn the lights on before realizing it was automatic.

"There's so much going on in our heads that we can't even remember this simple fact!" Mario laughed stupidly, accompanied by Peach.

"It's so tough to be a genius," Peach confirmed, leading the group the wrong way. "Hmm, I wonder where Toadsworth's bedroom is!"

"So do I, even though we've been into his room numerous times!" Mario kept on chuckling, looking like a total fool. The lovers did not see it, but they were approaching the bathroom. As they rounded a corner, a small voice could have been heard, if only they had not been so loud.

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Peach and Mario burst into laughter, agreeing with the narration.

Toadsworth was laying in a pool composed of his own blood, a few feet ahead. Gathering all the strength he could, he tried to call out to the jesting duo, to no avail. "H-help..." He tried to raise his hand to reach the other two but was too weak to do so.

"...and then Boo told me it was incorrect!" Mario chuckled once more, advancing toward the old mushroom. "Silly Boo, everyone knows a tomato is a vegetable and not a fruit! So as you might have guessed, everyone laughed at him."

"Oh, wow! I didn't know Boo was that dumb!" Peach criticized. As Mario walked past Toadsworth, she followed him and marched on, not realizing that her advisor was on the floor. She continued to walk and as she took one more step, her high-heel perforated Toadsworth's heart and killed him on the spot.

Still oblivious to what had just happened, Mario and Peach abandoned the carcass behind them.

They reached Toadsworth's room ten minutes after that, and realized it was the room closest to the stairs. Sharing another quick laugh, the pair entered the room after Peach had demolished yet another door.

"So, what happened here exactly...?" Mario wondered aloud, quickly scanning the room. "It doesn't look like anything happened, actually..."

Peach rubbed her chin. "Correct, my female intuition tells me there's nothing here!"

"I confirm and besides, your gut feelings are always right!" Mario agreed with her, a part of his subconscious screwing with the investigation. Or was it sheer stupidity? Whatever the case was, Mario had apparently forgotten that Peach's gut feelings were wrong nine times out of ten.

"But wait, isn't that an anomaly in itself?" Peach pointed out, suddenly growing a brain. Mario raised an eyebrow.

"Why would that be, exactly?"

"Mmmh... Whatever, my smart moment already disappeared," Peach shrugged, exiting the room. Once the duo exited the room, they realized one important fact.

"I know what's wrong!"

"Me too!" Peach claimed. "This is Toadsworth's room but there's no Toadsworth! Suspicious much?"

"Hmm, I was talking about the gun..."

"Exactly! Quick, let's take pictures!" Peach yelled as she set up the timer on the camera. Mario and she shared a passionate kiss in front of the place where the murder weapon should have been located. "Boo will surely be proud of our work!"

Suddenly, Mario saw something weird on the floor, a red trail. "One of your domestic apparently dropped ketchup on the floor," Mario said, coming to a conclusion. Peach shook her head, showing her dissent.

"But Mario, there's too much red for it to be ketchup. Besides, Toadsworth likes mayonnaise better! No, it must be something else..."

"Oh my god, it's blood then!" Mario screamed, a look of realization on his face. Peach gasped, adding a dramatic touch to the scene. Quickly, the duo set off to follow the trail, which led them to the bathroom.

"Oh my god! I know what happened!" Peach screamed as the pair finally noticed Toadsworth's limp body in the middle of the hallway. "Toadsworth realized he had his period so he rushed to the bathroom in order to steal one of my beloved tampons!" Peach raged, seeing Toadsworth's act as a felony.

"And then he died of blood loss," Mario ended. "Well, let's take pictures before Boo comes back!" They proceeded to take photographs of the crime scene with them posing in the background until Boo came back.

When the ghost appeared, he was shocked to see that Toadsworth had been murdered as well. "Oh my god, poor old guy... He never did anything wrong..."

"He did!" Peach retorted angrily. "He stole of my tampons!" Boo could not utter a single word for at least two minutes.

"I don't want to know how you came to that conclusion... Anyway, did you investigate?" Boo asked, clearly anticipating a no.

"We did," Mario smiled calmly. "Let us explain to you how the old bag died!" Mario disrespected the dead. "It all happens at night, when Toadsworth usually feels he peed his pants because of his age." Boo made a face but did not interrupt Mario. "He sees blood in his bed and quickly realizes he forgot to put in a tampon. But as he goes toward the bathroom, he loses too much blood and suddenly collapses, dead. End of tale."

Boo banged his head against the wall for the umpteenth time. "CAN'T YOU SEE THE DAMN HOLE IN HIS SIDE WHICH INDICATES THAT HE'S BEEN SHOT?!"

"Well, duh!" Peach pouted, thinking Boo was mocking her intelligence. "Easy, when he realized he wouldn't survive, he shot himself!"

"CAN'T YOU SEE THE DAMN GUN IS TEN FEET AWAY FROM HIS BODY?" Boo cried. Both Mario and Peach were puzzled.

"But then what happened...?"

"Well, a logical conclusion would be that the killer took Toadsworth gun, shot Toadsworth and then threw the weapon away," Boo stated matter-of-factly.

"Wait, I see a strange pattern on the floor!" Peach noted, showing the footprints she had previously left on the floor. "After them, we might find our killer!" After tripping on her own feet, she rushed with Mario to get the killer while Boo inspected said footprints.

"Huh...? A girl has done this?" concluded the Boo. "Then it means that Daisy or Pauline did it, it's the only conclusion... Wait a minute." The ghost frowned as he took a closer look at the body. "Toadsworth was shot but it doesn't look like he died immediately and... What the hell? There's another hole right above his heart!"

Just after that, Mario and Peach came back. "What did you find?" Mario wondered.

"A girl wearing high-heels is actually the cause of death."

"Let's kill Daisy and Pauline then!" Peach exclaimed. "That way we'll get rid of the killer!" The princess jumped a little.

"PEACH YOU IDIOT!" Boo screamed suddenly, seeing a drop of blood on her heel. "YOU STEPPED ON HIM AND KILLED HIM! There's blood on your heel and I could bet you actually took the long way to get to his bedroom because you're too dumb to navigate your way through your own castle! That would explain why you didn't see the killer and came back to where you had started!"

"I still say it's either Pauline or Daisy," Mario disapproved. "More so the latter since she's a ginger." The hero declared.

"Well then, it's settled!" Peach clapped with glee. "We'll take care of them and be free from the murderer's grasp!"

As the lovers left Boo, the smart individual eyed the gun with envy. His eyes successively darted to the weapon and his friends, wondering what was the cleverest choice.

* * *

_Will Daisy and Pauline survive, now that Peach and Mario think they're the killer?_

_Will the team actually act like a team?_

_Will Flurrie, Diddy, Peach and Mario become smarter?_

_Will Lakilulu finally die?_

_Will Boo survive the whole ordeal?_

_Well, these questions probably won't have an answer anyway._


	6. The 'Trap'

**Moley** : Let's see if you're right with your prediction. :p In my French fics, Boo is almost always surrounded by idiots of the sort, I guess he can never get a break. XD Thanks for reviewing!

**Kookylover98** : I'm really glad you enjoy the story and thanks for your review! ^^

**PSULucky** : I knew you liked when dumb people were thinking they were smart, so I decided to put that extra part in. Glad you liked it! Thank you for your review and giving me ideas. ^^

**Kaiimi** : Lol! Rosalina's chest is very flat. XD And I knew I just had to do a joke about Toadsworth's period, I had this scene in my head and just couldn't forget it. Thanks for your support! ^^

**Light Speed508** : Thank you for your review! And yes, everyone is a little stupid in this story. So you suspect Dixie? Well, the killer's identity won't be revealed yet so I won't spoil you. :p

* * *

6 : The Trap

While Mario, Peach, Flurrie, Diddy and Boo were busy investigating (or failing their investigation, in this case), the other guests were minding their own business in the castle, not the least freaked out, as if they had totally forgotten that a killer was amongst them.

"Hey guys! Who drew this obscene painting on the wall?" Boshi questioned, pointing to the wall. On it was something which looked like Wario's nose, except the middle part of the nose was definitely longer.

"Teehee! That would be me!" Lady Bow giggled out of character, completely intoxicated. Boshi's eyes darted to the 'nose' and the spray cans next to it.

"Well, what's done's done, I guess. Now, let's draw something else," smiled Yoshi's rival.

Lady Bow winked at him seductively. "Oh yes, show me your art!"

"What a bunch of stupid tools!" Bowser roared with all his might. Noki, located right next to him, shuddered in fright. She stood up and ran away just in time, predicting the mighty king of Koopa would most likely try to break something to ease his frustrations.

"What am I doing here?" Noki cried silently to herself as she sat next to the drunkards. Bobbery approached her with a grin.

"Why, hello young lass!" he greeted her cheerfully. Noki arched an eyebrow, confused at his sudden change of behavior. "If you've got problems, missy, just tell me! I'll give you the solution to all your problems!"

"I have a problem. Why are you so...happy? You were kind of weeping in the emo corner an hour ago," Noki pointed out. Bobbery shook his head and took out a bottle full of pills from his personage.

"Bah, why should it matter? I should be rejoicing, this is an awesome party!" hiccuped the former admiral.

"Several people died and you call this party 'awesome'...? Okay, you're definitely drunk."

"I'm not! I'll show you why I'm truly happy!" The old sailor took out two pills from his bottle and put them under his tongue. "See dat? Dese pills are what makes me happy!" Bobbery swallowed the medicine with a goofy smile on his face.

Noki leaned backward in her chair, painfully aware of his bad breath. "Bobbery...? Bobbery, are you sleeping?" The young Noki poked him and he fell onto the floor, unmoving. She let out a gasp.

"SHE'S THE KILLER!" slurred Wario. The obese man tried to get up but failed and flailed around madly.

"I bet she poisoned Bobbery!" Bombette yelled as well. "He was supposed to be my man!" Looking around the room, her eyes laid on Goombario. "Hey there handsome... Wanna make out?" Goombario only had time to nod as the pink Bob-omb latched on to him.

"I knew it!" blurted out Kooper, advancing toward her threateningly. "There was just no way she was genuine! What's more she's the only one here who knows advanced stuff like subtractions! So she probably also knows how to get poison!"

"What?!" Noki shouted with indignation. "Your logic makes no sense at all! And would you please cease with your baseless conjectures? I definitely did not know how to get my hands on arsenic trioxide, and even if I did, why would I get rid of poor Bobbery?"

Kooper scratched his head in confusion. "Well... I... Huh-"

"It doesn't matter why or how she did it!" Koops argued. "This is Mafia, we don't need proof!"

"Actually, it isn't, so get your facts straight, mister wimpy-ass!" Lakilulu insulted, her bitchiness coming back in full force. "Too bad your girlfriend's dead, she can't protect you anymore, you big baby! You disgust me, you're just a fucking twat who spent his life crying in his mother's bosom!" Lakilulu criticized harshly.

"Shut up, bitch!" Jojora attacked her with her wand.

"My mother died when I was young!" Koops cried even harder. "I'm going to kill you!" claimed the Koopa, a knife in his right hand.

"Yay! Go Koops! Go Koops!" everyone cheered in delight. "K-O-O-P-S ! Kill One Outrageous Pompous Slut! KOOPS!"

"Oh crap!" Lakilulu yelped as she saw him coming after her. Koops ran as fast as he could in her general direction when his foot hit an extremely resistant and nearly invisible nylon rope which tripped him.

"What the-" A loud crash interrupted him as everyone screamed in fright. A chandelier had fallen from the ceiling onto the small Koopa, impaling him on his back. While everyone mourned the fallen turtle, Lakilulu beamed radiantly.

"Take that, sucker! Nobody messes with Lakilulu!" She boasted, a smug look on her face. Donkey Kong knocked some sense into her. Literally. The Lakitu flew across the room, unconscious.

"That's a terrible accident!" Yoshi shook his head, showing his sadness.

"Guys, come on!" Noki pleaded them. "Please don't be foolish, it cannot be an accident. Not with all these killings. Someone made an elaborate trap worthy of a stupid cartoon which consisted in tripping someone thanks to a rope and making something fall on top them so that they die."

"Of course you'd know, you killer!" Tiny accused.

"Prove it," Noki challenged her.

"I'll pass," replied her opponent. "I just wanted to say that sentence for the heck of it." Noki began to understand how Boo felt around those idiots.

"Did anyone notice anything strange lately?" Noki asked the crowd.

Yoshi looked like he could not care less. "Err, not really."

"You could try a little harder," Toad chided him. "Our lives are at stake right now!"

"Nu-huh. Your lives are, not mine. I'm such an overrated character that the only mention of my name means that I'll survive. It's scientifically proven, when you see me in a fiction, I'll either win it if it's a game show, survive if it's an horror story, or simply be important," Yoshi retorted matter-of-factly.

"Cunt," Sushie swore. "I mean, it seems nobody likes me! No one ever remembers me and when I'm in a murder story you can be sure that I'll die!" ranted the Cheep-Cheep. "What makes you so different exactly?"

"Who cares about a random fish!" Waluigi smirked, angering Sushie.

"Guys, can we please focus on what's important at the moment?" Pauline besought, earning a smile from Noki.

"Listen to her, please."

"And by that I mean you should focus on my beautiful self!" Pauline flashed a smile to the assembly. The inhabitant of Delfino Island refrained from using violence, but she really had to control herself at that point.

"Has anyone seen anything out of the ordinary concerning another guest?" Noki reformulated.

"Yes, I did!" Birdo chirped. "Someone was drawing some stuff at the ground! They also had some sort of ruler with them... And a compass... And also a rope, now that I think about it... They might have had a bottle full of poisoned pills too," she enumerated dumbly as Noki's mouth was left agape.

"Can you be more specific about this person?"

"Sorry, I kinda forgot the small details," Birdo smiled uneasily. "But maybe someone else knows something?" Before Noki could stop her, Birdo asked everyone. "Hey guys! Does any of you remember a person with a lot of material drawing something on the floor? They're the killer!"

"Oh well, I definitely didn't see anything of the sort," Dixie replied suspiciously, a broad smile adorning her lips.

"Wait, I remember something!" Ms. Mowz exclaimed. She was inadvertently slapped by Dixie. "Hey, what was that for? I just remembered Koops had a ring on him as he was supposed to propose to Koopie!"

"Oh, that's it? What a relief!" Dixie let out a sigh, looking pleased. Ms. Mowz smiled at her.

"Yeah don't worry, I was most definitely not saying you were the murderer!" she added awkwardly. "Hmmm-hmmm-hmmm! I'd best be on my way!"

"What are you going to do?" Donkey inquired.

"Oh you know, the usual. I'm just going to steal Koops' ring, it's not like he'll ever use it!"

"Good one!" Parakarry clapped, grinning like a moron. "Hey Daisy, where are you going?"

"Oh you know, the usual," Daisy started, copying Ms. Mowz. "I'm putting this handy-dandy chainsaw back to where it belongs. It was around the corner, so I thought I might as well help my best friend."

"And I shall aid you in your quest!" Luigi certified. Daisy laughed a bit.

"Oh please Luigi, stop fooling around. You can't even lift one pound, so you'd never be able to help me. Grab a lemonade and wait here," Daisy ordered.

"But there's no lemonade, only alcohol for grown-ups!" Luigi whined pitifully. Kammy socked him a good one.

When Daisy finally decided to leave the room, Mario and Peach barged in the room, Flurrie, Diddy and Boo in tow. "Arrest her! She's the one behind the murders!" Peach pointed an accusatory finger toward her best friend.

"Yes, the investigation team managed to solve this mystery," Mario confirmed.

"Look at that!" Diddy shoved Daisy to the ground, making her drop the murder weapon. "She has the chainsaw! She's obviously the one we've been looking for!" He accidentally put his finger on the blade and bled slightly. "EWWW BLOOD!" He then fainted.

"Gingers are not to be trusted!" Flurrie agreed with the group, careful not to let everyone see that she was reading her script.

"Shut the hell up!" Boo demanded as he punched every member of the team. "Why would dumbass Daisy strut with a fucking chainsaw in her hands if she were the killer?! Besides, she couldn't murder Toadsworth and Koopie!" Boo added, glaring at Peach and Flurrie.

Noki gasped. "Toadsworth also passed away? It's the sixth one already!"

"What do you mean?" Boo asked in puzzlement.

"Not much, Noki killed two other bystanders," Wario yelled in Toadette's face.

"Get away from me, freak!" Toadette slapped him.

"I didn't kill them! Will you just stop with your moronic claims?" Noki counterattacked.

Yoshi looked at the five new people, totally uninterested. "Bobbery was poisoned. Koops was impaled by a chandelier."

"Wow Yoshi, you're taking it so well!" Peach complimented, totally oblivious. "I wish I had your courage!"

"His courage? My ass! He just knows he won't be killed!" Toad threw his hands in the air in exasperation.

"Guys, please focus. I know no one cares because truthfully, Koops and Bobbery were expandable, but please try to focus to avoid your own deaths," Mario advised smartly.

"I'm, like, totally on Mario's side," Goombella smiled, playing with her ponytail. "Like, about Koops and Bobbery being, like, totally useless and stuff!" she gave more precisions. "I don't really like to think, it hurts too much."

"We knew that already," Boo pointed out. "Anyway, I don't think Daisy is the killer, but I don't really care for her either. What I want to know is how she got the chainsaw."

"I found it on the first floor, near the bathroom," testified the princess of Sarasaland.

"What's with the criminal and bathrooms?" Peach tried to connect the dots. Boo sent her an annoyed glance.

"How stupid can you get? They visit the bathroom frequently to wash away the blood they have on their body!"

Wario rolled his eyes. "That or the killer is a woman."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Toadette glared at him angrily. Wario belched right in front of her face and she fainted.

"Dear Toadette, women go to the bathroom more often than men, and that's a fact!" he carried on.

"I object!" Sushie opposed his claim. "You're just a sexist pig!" The other females who were smart enough to grasp that concept took up arms.

"No! Look at Luigi, he's the perfect example! He never goes to the bathroom," Wario justified his train of thought.

"The only reason Luigi never goes to the bathroom is because he's too freaking dumb and pees his pants all the time!" Boo revealed the truth to everyone. "Furthermore, I have proof that Luigi is afraid of the whirlpool that's formed when you flush the toilet!" Everyone deemed it wise to get away from Luigi.

Then, the group stayed silent for a while. That is, until Bowser finally decided to break the ice. "So what now? Aren't you going to investigate?"

Boo dismissed Bowser's idea with a nonchalant wave of the hand. "No, the idiots would screw up. I actually have a plan to finally find out who the killer is," Boo told everyone. "And as much as it pains me to say it, I'll need the help of my fellow 'investigators'," Boo made a small gesture to indicate that he was not really considering them as such.

"What's the plan? What's the plan?!" Diddy hyperventilated. "The suspense is killing meeeee!" Diddy fainted suddenly.

Peach giggled. "Silly monkey, you didn't die, you only fainted!" Diddy opened his eyes and gave her a thumbs up, before passing out again.

"Okay, here's the plan!" Boo commenced. "First, it's becoming increasingly obvious that the killer's target is Lakilulu, so what we'll do is pretty easy. We'll lure them into a room, saying that Lakilulu is here, and then we'll only have to catch them!"

"I didn't get the plan, dearie!" Flurrie smiled obliviously.

"Obviously you didn't get it," Boo snarled. "But you can speak, right? I know you can since you've been spewing nonsense all day long!" he added aggressively. "Anyway, let's start..."

…

In the main hall where mostly everyone was located, Boo had instructed Flurrie to yell that Lakilulu was defenseless in a certain room. Checking her hair to make sure she was perfect for her act, the famous wind spirit smiled and cleared her throat.

"Lakilulu is in the room with elves and alone! I would say that I don't want the killer to find her, but that's most certainly not the case! May they bring peace to us all!" Flurrie shouted loudly, embellishing her discourse.

Someone in the room began to move toward the doors inconspicuously, but Flurrie did not realize it was the murderer because she had already left the room to talk about fashion with Peach. The princess had no real part in the plan, for Boo thought she was way too stupid to do anything. In his words she 'would screw up the simplest things'.

…

Boo and Mario were supposed to guard room 12. Why Boo and Mario? Well, let's just say that Boo knew that Mario was the least stupid of the team. Diddy was supposed to hide and scream once the killer would try to open the door, giving Boo the signal to intervene.

However, nothing went as planned. Diddy began to scream earlier than they had predicted, so Mario, the alert hero, turned around and unfortunately knocked Boo out in his precipitation. Diddy fainted so Mario was face to face with the killer. Since Boo had not gone into details about his plan, Mario did not know what to do, so he just waited for the ghost to regain his bearings.

…

Inside the room, the killer realized it was a trap as Lakilulu was not inside. However, Watt and Yoshi Jr. were present, staring at the murderer. The idiots never understood that the killer was in front of them and resumed their game, but the criminal mastermind thought it would be bad to leave witnesses behind, so they decided to get rid of the kids. Blood shot out from their body and sprayed the walls in an artistic fashion as the murderer sliced their heads with a claymore.

"Why won't anything work in my favor?" questioned the mysterious individual as they fled from the new crime scene, leaving the murder weapon behind them.

…

Outside, Boo finally regained consciousness. "Ugh, what happened? Did we get the murderer?" Boo asked.

"Um, well, err..."

"Allow me to begin, darling!" Flurrie smiled cheerfully. "I did what you asked me, meaning that I told everyone that Lakilulu was all alone in the room with elves!"

"I told you to tell everyone Lakilulu was in room _twelve_!" Boo raged. "Never mind that, what happened next, Mario?"

The plumber cleared his throat. "Well, as soon as Diddy shrieked, I turned around. From the corner of my eye I could see he had fainted. I also unfortunately hit you and you blacked out. I saw the killer, but you hadn't explained your plan to me, so I kinda stayed here and waited for you to come back to us."

"...mission failed?" Boo inquired.

"Pretty much so!" Diddy gave a goofy smile and was sissy slapped for it.

"But I saw the killer!" Mario exclaimed. "Only problem was they had a pink long hood to cover their body."

"Well then, it's obviously not the killer," Peach noted. Flurrie nodded to show that she was understanding everything. By then, everyone knew that was not the case but they liked to lure her into a false sense of security.

"My, I certainly agree," Flurrie grinned. Boo raised an eyebrow but kept quiet.

"How so?" Diddy wondered.

"Well duh, everyone knows that killers wear long black coats! Not pink ones." Boo smacked his forehead in frustration and decided to check out room eight, the one which was said to contain elves statues. Needless to say, he closed the room almost as soon as he had opened it.

"Guys, we have a serious problem. Watt and Yoshi Jr. died because of your stupidity!"

"Hurray!" Mario shouted gleefully. Watt would not be able to testify about what she had seen on his computer. Boo looked at him in shock and astonishment.

"Wait!" Diddy exclaimed. "I know who's the murderer! It's obviously..."

"Spill the beans, you dunce!" Boo yelled angrily.

"No, I'm trying to raise the suspense..."

Five minutes later...

"The murderer is obviously-"

* * *

_And that's the end of the chapter!_

Boo : Oh, fucker! You just had to do that, didn't you?

_Err- Well, next time Diddy tells everyone who he suspects of being the murderer and the team confronts them!_

_The story is nearing its end (I wanted it to be a short one), so I think only one or two chapters remain. I know you'll say that only a few character have died and that it's weird to end it so soon, but I fear the story will become redundant if I keep on writing it. The reason I put so much characters in it was so that I'd be able to continue it for a long time if I wanted to. I'm not entirely sure yet, but I thought it'd be best to tell you. ^^_

_And who knows, maybe I'll make a sequel one day or another._

Alive : Peach, Mario, Boo, Flurrie, Diddy, Toad, Toadette, Dixie, Yoshi, Birdo, Bowser, Kammy, Lakilulu, Tiny, Donkey, Parakarry, Goombario, Wario, Waluigi, Kooper, Bombette, Goombella, Daisy, Luigi, Lady Bow, Viviane, Sushie, Ms. Mowz, Jojora, Boshi, Noki and Pauline.

Dead : Lakilester, Toadsworth, Koopie Ko, Rosalina, Bobbery, Koops, Yoshi Jr. and Watt.


	7. Detective Diddy

**Kookylover98** : Mwahaha! I felt like ending it before Diddy revealed his suspect. XD Thanks for your review !

**Moley** : Hmm yes, I kind of put her French name which sounds the same, lol. And yes, Vivian is a girl in this story, but to me he's a boy. ^^' Thanks for your review!

**Kaiimi** : Yes, I really wanted to put Yoshi's part, I thought it would be fun to have. XD Lakilulu deserves all the pain she receives in this story. Thanks for reviewing!

**PSULucky** : I'm glad you enjoy the story and thank you for your review. Sorry though, I feel I should finish the story before I run out of ideas and make it pretty bland. If I were to put the same jokes over and over again, I think it would be extremely boring. Mmmh... Another FF project...? I'm not sure. My next priority should be The Mole : Disguised Disgrace, though. I've started gathering my ideas and I have the storyline, more or less. ^^

* * *

7 : Detective Diddy

Boo wanted to strangle the monkey, however he could not bring himself to do it. First, it would make him a murderer and the ghost certainly did not want to be associated to such a word. Second, Diddy was supposed to be his friend. Sure, he was truly a dumb friend, but a friend nonetheless, Boo had to admit it. Third and most important point, he was about to reveal the killer's identity, and Boo _wanted_ to stop the killings once and for all.

"Would it kill you to spit it out?" Boo inquired, crossing his arms. Diddy shook his head.

"Of course not," replied the monkey. "There," he added as he spat his bubblegum on the floor. Boo looked repulsed.

"I wasn't talking about your chewing gum you buffoon! I wanted the name of the killer! God, can't you understand anything?"

"Looks like it's beyond his ability," Mario claimed, as observant as ever. "I propose we gather everyone in the main hall to clear this mystery once and for all!" Mario suggested loudly, receiving the approval of his three dumb partners. Boo shrugged.

"You'd better not be wasting my time..."

"Well, what else can we do?" Peach asked. "It's not like we have anything better to do, the party is kind of...dead. I mean, with all the killings and everything..."

Flurrie laughed delicately. "What a splentabulous wordplay!" She was soon joined in her laughter by Mario, Diddy and Peach.

"Hilarious!" Mario exclaimed as he held his sides, he was laughing so hard that they were hurting him. Diddy was rolling on the floor laughing and Peach was doubled over laughter and had trouble breathing. Boo simply stared at them in amazement.

"That wasn't funny."

Peach looked at him threateningly. "Shut up and laugh, or else..."

"We'll make you watch Flurrie's movies!" Diddy stated with a smirk as Boo's face became pale.

"NO! HAHAHAHA!" Boo forced himself. "THAT WAS FUNNY!"

Satisfied, the princess, the hero, the monkey and the actress left the Boo alone and split up to gather everyone in the main all faster. Boo twitched. "Bunch of bitches... How dare they? Watching her movies would be the grossest thing EVER!" he shuddered in fright.

Muttering to himself, Boo did not see Dixie enter the elves' room with a spare broom and bucket in her hands. Dixie was whistling loudly for a rather strange reason. "La la la, I am not suspicious," Dixie sang.

"I need to get back at them," Boo narrowed his eyes, planning his next move against the rest of the investigation team.

"Where the heck did they put the bleach I need in order to clean everything?!" Dixie bellowed, a few feet behind Boo. She gasped, realizing her mistake. "Oh wait, I think I left it next to Rosalina!" She left the scene quickly and was able to go unnoticed by Boo who had a frown on his face.

"I must be hearing voices," Boo concluded, furrowing his brow. "Being with idiots sure takes a lot out of me, I wouldn't be surprised if I were to have hallucinations."

Dixie waved to Boo as she came back and entered the room where Watt and Yoshi Jr. remained. The investigator raised an eyebrow. "Yup, I'm definitely hallucinating."

…

Back in the main hall, almost everyone was drunk. Actually, everyone but Noki was drunk, even Jojora had succumbed to alcohol after her and Wario had made a bet about who could finish a bottle of vodka the fastest. Needless to say, the obese yellow clad man won hands down. When Boo arrived on the scene, he could not believe his eyes.

"What's happening?! It looks like an orgy!" He took a look around the room and focused on a side of the room where someone had barricaded themselves behind tables and chairs. "Okay, that must be Noki, I'll be checking on her..."

Boo walked that way and leaned over the barricade. He immediately wished he had not. "OH MY GOD, GET A ROOM!"

"Shut up-hic- you stupid-hic-white marsh-hic-mallow," Bombette slurred, completely drunk. "Gosh! Is it-hic-too hard to leave two people FUCK IN PEACE?!" she yelled the last part, attracting a lot of unneeded attention toward Boo.

"I knew he was a pervert!" Goombario claimed, a goofy grin on his face.

"I guess I'll leave you," Boo ground his teeth, fuming on the inside.

Bombette snarled. "You better be, you slut!"

"Talk about the pot calling the kettle black," Boo retorted smartly.

"YOU WANNA GET SMART WITH ME?" Bombette screamed in anger. She tried to stand up but did not succeed. "Well-hic-be glad I can't-hic-inflict pain upon you at the-hic-moment."

"Whatever," Boo stated, ducking as a beer bottle flew above his head. "I hate my life."

"Over here!" whispered Noki, located under a table. Boo joined her hastily, fearing flying bottles would target him if he did not. "Thank goodness you're alright!" Noki smiled kindly. "Everyone is out of control! I tried to stop their binge drinking but they overpowered me and almost forced whiskey down my throat so I had to take cover. With any chance, you'll understand."

"Yeah... Well, Diddy said he knew who was the murderer, so we're currently awaiting him and the rest of the team. But I need to find a way so they'll sober up!"

Suddenly, the two smart individuals heard a shrill scream coming from the bar. Curious, they looked up from their position and saw Tiny on the floor, dead. Nodding to each other, they made their way to the bar to investigate.

"You bitch!" Ms. Mowz snapped, slapping Vivian repeatedly across the face. "I knew you were not to be trusted!"

"What?" Vivian asked in surprise. She looked incredibly fake and hypocritical, but that usually sufficed to convince everyone that she was an innocent and pure maiden.

"You're the fakest, most annoying cunt I've ever seen!" Lakilulu started bitching. Seeing another opportunity to argue and harass an 'innocent' person had completely rejuvenated her. "I bet you slept with every guy you've met-"

"What? How did you know I slept with every guy here?" Vivian did not feign anything this time, she was truly shocked to see that people had finally seen what was hidden behind her mask.

"You did what?" Toadette asked angrily. "I sure do hope you didn't do it with Toad for your own sake!"

"He was so lame I fell asleep before he finished his job," the shadow siren stated bluntly. Toad blushed in shame and tried to commit suicide by jumping off the bridge for the second time that night. "But wait a minute... I thought you knew I slept with everyone, why are you asking?"

"Oh well," Lakilulu started, "I actually didn't know. I just wanted to criticize you for the heck of it. Turns out I was right after all, but that doesn't surprise me since I'm superior to all of you. Yep, that's right, you should all bow down to me!" Lakilulu demanded bossily, before getting punched in the face by Vivian.

"Well, that was a great catfight if I ever saw one!" Donkey cheered excitedly.

"And it looks like it's not finished yet," Boshi pointed out as Lakilulu retaliated with a slap of her own. After a few more slaps, kicks, punches and bites, the two females resorted to pulling hair.

"I may hate Lakilulu, but I can't bring myself to cheer on Vivian. I bet she drugged us during previous parties!" Kooper shouted, an accusing finger pointed in her direction.

Noki and Boo had been watching the whole scene in silence, still wondering what had happened. They finally decided to ask Goombella, the one who liked gossips the most. "Hello Goombella, could you tell us what the big fuss is about?" Noki inquired, a small smile gracing her features.

"Like, you'll never know what happened!" Goombella twirled her ponytail. "We were, like, totally having a good time drinking and stuff, and like, I totally saw it all, OMG!" Goombella exclaimed.

"Oemgee...?" Boo questioned. Goombella tossed her head.

"Oh my god, like, how dumb can you get?" she said in a deadpan tone of voice. "Whatever gurl. Anyway, as I said, we were totally drinking and, like, Vivian totally, like, gave Tiny a glass of vodka, as Tiny had, like, requested."

Boo and Noki waited for the rest of the story but it seemed like Goombella might have been finished. "So...?" Noki questioned.

"Well, that's, like, totally everything I saw."

"Thanks for being useless!" Boo rolled his eyes.

"But Tiny kinda died, like, just after drinking the glass!" Goombella countered. "That was kinda extremely suspicious. Like totally."

Noki turned to Boo. "My guess is that she wasn't killed but simply drank herself into death," concluded the blue-shelled girl.

"She's beyond coma at this point," Boo agreed. "Well, I suppose it can't hurt to grab a seat and enjoy the fight, then. I'm quite liking what I see, Vivian's hair is all tangled and Lakilulu misses a teeth," Boo grinned from ear to ear.

"Hmm, well... This is kind of violent, and I'm against physical violence," Noki hesitated. She looked at the fight and smiled. "But since I don't like them, I suppose I can make an exception!" she giggled.

…

After a while, the match had ended up as a draw. The two girls were physically exhausted and could not fight anymore, so people resumed their drinking. Goombario and Bombette had finally finished their thing and were coming to the bar to enjoy themselves.

"Try to be louder next time," Boo advised sarcastically.

Bombette beamed. "Sure, we'll try if you want!" Boo smacked his forehead in frustration.

"I shouldn't use ironic or sarcasm, nobody ever understands it," Boo lamented.

Goombario took out his cellphone from his pocket and looked at the time. "Wow, I made some progress!"

"What stamina!" swooned Bombette girlishly.

"Wait, WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?" Boo let out all of a sudden. "What the hell, you had your phone with you the whole time?! Why didn't you tell us?!"

"I don't really know how it works, so yeah," Goombario responded dumbly.

"Someone could have known."

"Yeah, but we don't have the police's phone number."

"Peach's probably got a phone directory in her castle."

"Yeah, but the battery was discharged."

"There are plug-ins in this castle, dumbass!" Boo started losing his patience.

"Yeah, but I almost have no phone credit left."

"You could have bought more, freaking moron!"

"Yeah, but I lost all of my cash."

"We could have lent you some! Peach is a princess! Damn it!"

"Yeah, but there's no reception in this castle. I can't really make a call in these conditions," Goombario finished.

"I want to die," Boo sobbed uncontrollably. "Or punch you in the face. Repeatedly."

Just as the ghost advanced threateningly toward the blue-capped Goomba, the rest of the investigation team returned to the main hall accompanied with Birdo, Yoshi, Dixie, Waluigi and Bowser. The Mario crew tried to sit on the remaining chairs, but there were not enough for everyone, so some people had to stand up, much to their annoyance. One particular idiot was vocal about this problem.

"The nerves of you people!" Lakilulu ranted. "A person of my quality shouldn't have to stand up like a vulgar peasant!" Fuming, she pushed Noki off her chair and claimed it for herself.

"What a bitch!" Noki fumed, moving away from the stupid Lakilulu.

Peach clapped her hands to catch the attention of her guests. "Everyone, we've finally discovered who was the true murderer!" the princess rejoiced with glee, throwing her arms in the air. In doing so, she unfortunately punched Lady Bow who was standing next to her. "Whoops. Anyway, Diddy, if you could please shed some light on this mystery..."

"Will do!" Diddy grinned toothily. "Everyone! I'm afraid to tell you that our plan kinda failed and that Watt and Yoshi Jr. are currently enjoying themselves in the hereafter!" Diddy announced.

"No one cares!" Wario announced drunkenly. His answer was received positively.

"Tiny died too!" Parakarry cheered for no reason in particular.

"Oh dear," Flurrie let out. "We're dropping like flies..."

Boo nodded. "I know, this is scary..."

"Scary? I would have said exciting!" Flurrie chuckled heartily while Boo twitched a little in annoyance.

"Everyone, please settle down, or else..." The hero of the Mushroom Kingdom had a whip in his hands.

"Oh yes! Whip me please!" Boshi demanded, a glint of light in his eyes. Everyone was disturbed by his order.

"Anyway," Diddy started again, "While our plan failed, we were able to get more information thanks to our national hero, the great Mario!" Mario blushed a little at the praise while Boo shook in anger, trying his best not to murder anyone. "While Boo and I were passed out, Mario clearly saw the killer! Didn't you?"

"Well, truth to be told, they had a pink coat on them, so I couldn't identify them clearly."

"But what if you had been...FOOLED?" Diddy inquired dramatically as loud gasps could be heard throughout the room.

"How could that be? Mario is the smartest person in this room!" Peach exclaimed in shock. "I mean, I would have understood if Boo had been tricked since he's so naïve, but Mario? This can't be!"

"What the hell?" Boo asked in anger. "Are you insinuating that _I_ am dumb?!"

Everyone ignored him. "Unfortunately Peach, I believe this is the case. Mario was most likely in a state of pure shock so he couldn't identify the culprit, but I do believe the killer wasn't wearing a pink coat... No, Mario thought he saw a coat, but he did not!"

"What did he see then? Moron."

"Easy, Mario saw the _back_ of the culprit, more precisely something pink on their back. How about the culprit's hair?" Diddy suggested.

"But who could it be?" Peach questioned dumbly, as there was only one person with pink hair in the room.

"I am afraid I do not know," Flurrie apologized stupidly, scratching her chin.

"The homicidal party-goer is none other than Vivian!" Diddy accused solemnly.

Vivian nodded for a moment before realizing Diddy had pronounced her name. "What, me? But why me?"

"You're the only one with pink hair, and your hair is so long that we could easily think it's a coat!" Diddy pointed out.

"Everything makes sense now!" Peach realized.

"No it doesn't," Boo contradicted.

"Of course it does, silly Boo!" Peach smiled. "Do you remember how the murder weapons kept on disappearing? Vivian has the ability to sink into the shadows, that's how she was able to mask her crimes. Besides, do you remember the footprints we discovered near Toadsworth's body? They looked like a point, and Vivian is the only one who could leave such footprints!"

Boo was flabbergasted. "Peach, how the hell could she leave footprints behind her if she doesn't have any freaking feet?"

"It doesn't matter!" Mario stopped them in their argument. "The facts speak for themselves, Vivian is the culprit!"

"Hold on a moment!" Vivian spoke up. "If the footprints looked like a point, then it could have been Flurrie too! Maybe she put on a pink wig or something!"

"Ah!" Diddy shouted triumphantly. "But the reason I'm accusing you is because you're purple!"

"What?!"

"Oh dear," Boo lamented, "now they're being racists... How low can this story get?"

"Wait a moment!" Vivian kept on interrupting them. "Flurrie is purple too!"

"Yes, but she's light purple," Diddy remarked. "And you're dark purple. And dark people are shady..."

"This...is...such...a...travesty," Boo uttered with much difficulty.

"You can't arrest me with this kind of proof," Vivian replied smugly.

"We can, actually. There's no rule against being prejudiced," Peach countered. "Besides, we all now that dark people are bad guys while light people are good people. It's just common sense!"

Vivian was at a loss of word. So was Boo.

Lakilulu stood up from her position and slapped Vivian. "Everyone, let's make her pay!" Nobody moved an inch. "Losers!"

"You fucking killer!" Sushie raged. "Everyone, after her!" This time, the mob minus Boo and Noki ran after Vivian who had no choice but to escape. She passed through the main door and ran as fast as she could toward the exit, but she unfortunately tripped on a small pebble, fell head first on the floor and broke her neck upon impact.

"What a lame death!" Jojora commented.

"Yeah, but now we're free from the murderer's grasp!" Bowser cheered with mirth. "Let's party!"

As everyone left to have fun, Boo decided to think about everything that had happened... Was Vivian the true killer?

* * *

_I believe next chapter will also be the last one. :p_

_Well not much to say this time around. ^^_


	8. At Dawn

**Owen96** : Thanks for your review and I'm happy to see that this story made you laugh. ^^

**Moley** : Sorry for Vivian, I know you like her, but her death was planned from the very beginning. XD Thanks for your review!

**Kaiimi** : I know, some people can be so rude! :p And yeah, they are pretty low. You can see for yourself if they get any lower in this chapter. Thanks for the review! ^^

**Kookylover98** : Thanks for your review!

**Light Speed508 (1 & 2)** : Yeah lol, Dixie gave herself away in the latest chapter. :p And Boo has Stupidia after being around so many morons for such an extended period of time. That or he never thought Dixie would be stupid enough to walk past him with the intention of erasing clues. Thank you for your reviews! ^^

**Stallizer el Bridget** : You're back! :p I'm glad you enjoy the story! Yes, it's kind of ironical if you look at them from a logical point of view. Thanks for the review!

* * *

8 : At Dawn

The party had resumed after the culprit had been revealed as Vivian and taken care of in the most stupid fashion ever. The poor shadow siren had broken her neck while fleeing the angry mob of moronic guests and ended her life prematurely, closing a dark chapter of the Mario crew's life. Except that Boo and Noki, the only smart people of the bunch (the other smart people did not care about the murders or were intoxicated), thought that Vivian could not have been the murderer for she was accused on the basis that the footprints left by Peach on the third floor were hers.

"I cannot believe these guys!" Boo ranted, pacing back and forth on the small bridge leading outside the castle. His eyes were quickly attracted to a peculiar scene. "What the hell is Toad doing?"

The small mushroom was currently trying to drown himself in a small puddle, but his prominent head was preventing him from accomplishing this simple feat. "I wanna die!" whined the pitiful servant as he finally gave up.

Boo raised an eyebrow, visibly in awe at Toad's stupidity. "Never mind him, I must concentrate otherwise the killer will never be found! That way, I'll tell him to kill Boshi who's been flirting with Lady Bow all day long!" Boo revealed his hidden motives.

"What?" Noki asked, completely taken aback by Boo's sudden change of behavior. "I hope you're not serious, Boo..."

Boo faked a laugh. "I'm just joking, you know full well that I'd never wish any ill things for my friends..." Noki was clearly not convinced, as she stared at him with bored eyes. "I'm kidding okay? These are just empty threats, even though I'd like to accomplish them, sheesh!"

"Ooookay... I was wondering... Do you really think Vivian was the traitor all along?"

"This isn't The Mole, Noki," Boo stated blankly. Noki was not impressed.

"You understood what I meant," she retorted, rolling her eyes.

"I think the killer is still around, but I don't have any proof!" Boo complained as he threw his hands in the air. "It sucks big time, 'cause I'm pretty sure the police will simply take Vivian's remains and label them as the killer. You wouldn't know how Toadtown's police acts since you're from Delfino Island, but they do nothing and still get paid! Worse, they can harass people and get off scott-free!"

"Well, our police aren't really good at their job either," Noki muttered as she had a pensive look on her face. "They can't even distinguish blue from red, people told me," she referenced the events of Super Mario Sunshine.

"Great," Boo said ironically. "Anyway, my stupid moronic idiotic partners were able to screw up my investigation, so I wouldn't count on them knowing something of importance. The other guests are just dumb and I doubt the killer would actually give themselves up..."

"It looks like we've reached a dead-end," Noki concluded sadly, a look of realization on her face. "I would suggest sacrificing Lakilulu, but the killer sucks so much they'd be able to kill everyone but her in the end."

Boo nodded vigorously, showing his entire approval. "We could check on Watt's and Yoshi Jr.'s murder scene but... I have a hunch that nothing will help us get to the bottom of this. Who knew it'd be this easy to kill so much people without getting caught?" Boo asked to no one in particular. Looking in Toad's direction, he saw that the mushroom had given up on his suicide attempt and tried to choke on leaves.

Boo and Noki shared a moment of silence as they watched the scene. Glancing at each other, they came up with a mutual agreement. They would make no comment and keep their frustrations to themselves.

"Anyway, we need to find the truth before dawn," Boo ordered. "We have to. But I truly have no idea as to how I'm gonna do this... I have nothing on the murderer, my allies are brainless apes – except for you – and the assassin, as dumb as they are, won't cooperate. What can I do?"

Noki pondered on his statement for a few seconds before beaming. "Boo, think outside the box! You have nothing on the killer in spite of all your research, I'll agree to that. But you don't need to prove that the killer is someone, you just have to find out who it was that could have possibly killed everyone else! You never truly asked your partners or the other guests what they were doing at the time of the murders. Try to reconstruct tonight's events and you might have a chance to catch the murderer!" Noki encouraged him.

Boo was speechless but looked at her in awe. A tear formed itself on the corner of his eye. "Wow... Thanks so much Noki! This story is actually getting smart!" Boo smiled happily for the first time in a few hours.

Wario came to them, strutting in his birthday suit. "I'm Wario, the hottest sex bomb you've ever seen! Wahaha!" the obese man claimed, belching and farting at the same time. Noki had to rush to the bathroom as Boo shook his head in anger.

"I stand corrected."

…

Thanks to Noki's advice, Boo had finally decided to take action and uncover who had been hiding behind a façade all night long. However, he knew that he had to be quite quick for the guards would most likely arrive as soon as they could to assume their duty. And even them were not dense enough to forget to report several murders.

"Oh, darling!" Flurrie exclaimed with glee. "What is the meaning of this charming reunion? Were you aware that Peach told us she would make a cake to celebrate the resolution of this fine mystery?"

"Err, no. Not that I care, her cake probably tastes like shit," Boo answered bluntly. Peach had an oblivious look on her face, showing that she had one of her blonde moments.

"Well, now that I think about it, it would explain why I have a bad breath every time I eat one of her cakes," Mario considered, cocking his head to the side.

"Too much information," Boo stopped them as fast as he could. "Anyway, first of all, I'd like to tell you that Vivian wasn't the killer."

"LIES!" Diddy yelled with all his might. He soon passed out as he was not used to yelling. Flurrie rejuvenated him with a sweep of her broom. "Nice work Flurrie, I know I can always count on you!"

"I can't say the same," Boo muttered as he placed his head in his arms in desperation. "Let's take a look at this white board here," Boo pointed.

"Well, it's certainly a nice white board," Flurrie commented, focusing intently on it. "I can feel the art emanating from this glorious piece of furniture! If I'm not mistaken, it only weighs ten pounds, is sixty inches tall and eighty inches long. If we look carefully, we can notice that the brush which was sold at the same time as this board is magnetic! Look at me, dearies!" Flurrie chuckled as she threw the brush with all her strength, creating an impact on the wall as her aim was clearly off. "Well, at least we can safely deduce that the wall isn't made of magnetic stuff!" she ended her explanation.

"Thank goodness the board isn't black!" Mario added in another not-so-hidden lighthearted racist joke. He only received a punch in the groin from Boo.

"WHO CARES?!" Boo shouted, both in annoyance and indignation. "And I swear I'm going to emasculate you guys if you don't stop with the crappy unfunny racist jokes!"

Peach was clearly confused as Boo had pronounced a word of four syllables. "I'm lost guys!"

"Could we _please_ focus on the matter at hand? First of all, I'd like us to make a list of the victims of the killer."

"Easy," Mario bragged. "Lakilester, Koopie, Rosa-"

"Koopie was killed by Flurrie! Ugh!" Boo exclaimed with a huff. "The true list should be Lakilester, Rosalina, Watt, Yoshi Jr. - ha, he's so lame he doesn't even have a name – Bobbery and Koops if memory serves me right. Koopie was killed by Flurrie, Toadsworth was killed by Peach, Tiny drank too much and Vivian broke her neck," Boo stated, writing the names on the board.

"Boo, stop being so dumb! You spelled Bobbery incorrectly," Peach sighed at the ghost's incompetence. Snatching the pen from his hand, she corrected the name. They could now read 'Bhobayrrye' instead of the true name.

"Thank you so much for your Ô so useful insight," Boo bit back sarcastically.

"I thought it was spelled 'Blueberry'," Diddy noted. "You know, since Bob-omb are basically balls, that would suit him just fine!"

"Diddy, I've never seen a _brown_ blueberry in my life," Boo noticed smartly. Then again, it was not particularly hard to come up with smart answers when you were surrounded by morons.

Mario's mustache twitched. "Oh really? Because the ones in Peach's cakes are always-" He was cut by a slap from the white Boo.

"I said I didn't care!" the smart member of the team raised his voice. "Okay, I'll just go ahead and present to you my argument... Lakilester was the first victim, he died because he was stabbed in the ass repeatedly."

"I bet he liked it. That little slut!" Peach smiled cutely.

"Who cares if he was masochistic or not?" Boo inquired. "Nobody liked him, so yeah. Anyway, the fact is that a certain dumbass erased the prints we could have found on the murder weapon which was located in the kitchen when they washed it."

"Oh dear! Who could have done such a stupid act?" Flurrie wondered aloud, insulting herself in the process. "They should definitely buy a brain somewhere!"

"I'm glad you've finally become self-conscious," Boo commented snarkily, stiffening a laughter. "During Lakilester's murder, the lights were off, which means that we don't know who moved out of the room."

"We know that Dixie did, since she's basically our entitled slave and does whatever we want her to do," Mario grinned as he recalled the memory. "Ah, she's really useful!"

"True!" Flurrie concurred. "I remember one time, when I was on stage! I was really thirsty but couldn't be bothered to walk to the chair where my water bottle was laying. I called her and she swam all the way from Kongo Bongo Island to Rogueport and then took the Excess Express to bring me my bottle! Such a dedicated friend, I tell you!"

"No wonder you're such a fatass," Boo snorted snidely.

"No need to be rude!" Peach smacked Boo with her purse.

"Ow..." Boo rubbed his sore spot. "Well, if we think about it carefully... When Koopie was 'shot' by the murderer, they obviously had the weapon on them at the time... Which means that Toadsworth was shot before Koopie," Boo thought aloud.

"Geez, this is boring," Diddy yawned as he decided to make himself more comfortable on a suspicious bright pink coat.

"Oh dear!" Flurrie exclaimed as she started rubbing a suspicious red spot on the coat. "You shouldn't sleep on such a dirty piece of clothing," she chided the monkey. Boo immediately screamed and punched them before keeping the cloth for himself.

"You will NOT erase this clue! Anyway... After the assassin had used the gun, they ran to the third floor and threw it next to Toadsworth, I assume they have a very good knowledge of the castle, then..."

Meanwhile, the idiots had started another game. One person had a word in mind and the others were supposed to find it. "So," Mario began giggling to himself, "you have to find a synonym for...whore!"

"Easy!" Peach boasted. "Bombette!"

"How did you know?" Mario recoiled in stupor.

"That was fairly obvious," Diddy stated matter-of-factly.

"Then I would suppose they brought the chainsaw from the garden," Boo reflected, ignoring the ruckus beside him. "They used the chainsaw to cut Rosalina in half and then created the trap that killed Koops... Assuming that I'm correct, the poison should come from the bathroom on the first floor, it would attract too much attention if the murderer was coming from the above floor with a bottle," the ghost soliloquized slowly.

"Why is Boo keeping Dixie's coat to himself?" Peach finally asked. "Be careful Diddy, if I didn't know any better I would have thought he wanted to steal your girlfriend."

"Heh, fine by me! I'll hook up with Candy."

"Scandalous!" Flurrie muttered in shock after she had jumped on Diddy. "Don't treat us like we're vulgar pieces of trash! In my youth, I was quite the charmer," she added with a flirtatious wink.

"How old are you exactly?" Peach questioned.

"I'm still young!"

"Then what were you referring to when you said : 'in my youth'?" Mario inquired, suspicious.

"Well, I don't know myself, dearie," Flurrie smiled innocently as she hid her script behind her back. "Since I'm such a fantabulous actress, I suppose I just unintentionally recited one of my previous main roles! I know them by heart!" she lied unconvincingly.

"Eureka!" shouted Boo as he made a victory sign. "I finally have all the answers I needed! I know who the murderer is!"

"Really?" questioned the other four, not that they really cared about Boo's answer anyway.

"Yes, I'm fairly sure that Dixie is the one who did it!" Boo smiled excitedly. "Do you remember when Lakilester died? The lights were off, so anybody could have committed the crime. However, only one person really did leave the room, and it was Dixie. She could have use this as a ploy to hide the murder weapon. Add to this that she took a really short time to locate a fuse box that even Peach didn't know about. Well, Peach and lack of knowledge is a bit redundant, but you got my point, I believe. After that, I remember that her clothes were smeared with blood, so she asked you where the bathroom was Peach. For a reason that is still unknown to me, you told her to go to the third floor while there was a bathroom on the first. Anyway, you were probably too dumb to remember this fact. When she was there, she found the gun, but Toadsworth surprised her in his bedroom, so she had to shoot him. He then tried to drag himself to the bathroom, probably to look for an emergency first aid kit, and no Peach, the trail of blood wasn't Toadsworth having his period," Boo stopped her immediately.

"Way to rain on my parade! Here I thought I had great investigative skills!" Peach pouted.

"If it makes you feel any better, you don't suck so much at investigating compared to biology," Boo remarked dully. "So afterward, our dear friend Dixie tried to shoot Lakilulu, but her aim was off and she shot Koopie. She disposed of the gun on the third floor and went to the garden to pick up a chainsaw which she used to kill Rosalina... She somehow was able to slip past Flurrie and Diddy," the ghost stared harshly as the two investigators who simply whistled as he went on with his statement, "and put the chainsaw near the bathroom on the first floor where she got poison that she put on the table. My guess is that she didn't expect Bobbery to take a swig of that very bottle so soon. But before Bobbery died, Dixie created a stupid and convoluted plan to make the chandelier fall on someone, Koops. After that we know she probably went to the wrong room because of Flurrie, _again_... Where she killed Watt and Yoshi Jr.."

"So much for that," Mario dismissed the ghost with a wave of his hand. "You could have noticed that the pink coat you're holding right now is soaked with blood and belongs to none other than Dixie. Her name is written in big bold letters on the inside," Mario pointed out. "But I don't suppose someone with such a tiny brain as yours would have been capable of seeing that. It takes a true investigator to remark these details."

"I shall give him a one of the effort," Flurrie claimed as she held a wooden board with a one on it. Peach gave him a zero point five and Diddy decided to award him with a dunce cap.

"..."

"..."

"I WILL KILL YOU!" Boo raged with great force as the other four scrambled to get away from the furious ghost.

…

"Dixie!" the investigation team bellowed.

The monkey wearing a pink beret turned her head to know what the matter was about. "Yes? What can I do for you? You want me to fetch you some alcoholic beverage?" Dixie questioned kindly.

"Hmm, no," Mario shrugged. "We're kinda arresting you for the murder of our friends, we know that you are the killer!"

"Yes," Peach confirmed. "Mario discovered the truth several hours ago, actually." Boo was crestfallen.

"Are you kidding me? He knew she was killing everyone one by one and didn't say anything to stop her? And why did he blame Vivian if knew it was Dixie?"

"Oh well, I was simply joking," Mario chuckled heartily. "Besides I didn't like Vivian, I saw her spiking my punch last time, so she deserved what happened to her."

"Wahaha!" Waluigi cackled maniacally. "I don't believe you!"

"Yeah!" Jojora opposed strongly. "if you already blamed an innocent, who's to say that Dixie really is the murderer?" Dixie was seen running away from the crowd.

"Maybe the fact that she's trying to escape from us...?" Flurrie pointed out, unsure. "Oh never mind that, she's probably going to the bathroom."

"What a bitch!" Lakilulu spat venomously. "I swear, someone ought to teach her some manners. She clearly isn't suited to living in a community, let's get rid of her!"

"Shup up Lakululu, nobody talked to you!" Jojora countered.

"Yeah, plus she's one to talk. Ever wondered why nobody likes you?" Yoshi asked with a dull voice. "It's because you're the biggest cunt we've ever seen! And trust me, we've seen a lot of them..."

"Like, is anyone, like, going to catch her before she, like, totally gets away?" Goombella wondered.

"Well, we already know that Wario won't run after her, he's too much of a fatass to go anywhere," Donkey grinned like a fool. Wario immediately got in his face.

While everyone was busy arguing with each other, Dixie came back in the main hall with the gun in her hands. "It's true, I'm the killer! And you're all going down!" she threatened them.

"Oh please darling," Flurrie scoffed, "don't play around with guns, you could hurt yourself."

"I'm not gonna believe my brother 'cause I'm trying to free myself from his grasp!" Luigi nodded to himself. A stare from Mario was enough to elicit a whimper from the green-capped plumber.

"I also disagree with Mario because he said I was a ginger!" Daisy yelled fiercely. "Please, nobody's going to believe you, Dixie's way too sweet to be the murderer! Who are you trying to fool?" continued the princess of Sarasaland, ignoring the blatant sight of Dixie with a gun.

Pauline smacked Daisy with a high heel. "Who do you think you are? Don't include me in your 'we', I don't want to be compared to the likes of you!"

"I'm gonna fire away if you don't start taking me seriously!" Dixie said menacingly, waving the gun around.

"I'm bored! Goombario, let's make out!" Bombette ordered as she and Goombario went to their private space.

"I don't trust Mario either," Lady Bow stated. "His dumb girlfriend punched me earlier and did not apologize profusely for it, so I'm against everything he says!"

"Let's vote," proposed Kooper. "Who is against Mario's claim?" Kooper, Lady Bow, Waluigi, Daisy, Luigi and Jojora raised their hand. "Who agrees with Mario?" Mario, Boo and Noki raised their hand. "Now, who doesn't care?" Everyone but Boo and Noki raised their hand. "Looks like we have a majority."

Dixie began to sob and threw a tantrum. "Listen to me, I'm the killer!"

"So Kammy, why don't you tell us the secret ingredient you use for your sandwiches? They're always so appetizing!" Bowser squealed in delight.

"Well, I put snails in all my meals..."

"Oh my god! This is so repulsive!" Birdo exclaimed as she ran to the bathroom.

"She's probably trying to lose some weight," Waluigi insulted, before getting kicked in the groin.

"Waaaaaaah!" Dixie bawled, putting the gun to her temple. "I can't take it anymore! Farewell, cruel world!" She pulled the trigger and blew her head up. A piece of her brain rolled onto the floor, Wario picked it up and ate it.

"Tasty!"

After a moment of silence, many of the guests realized Dixie was the killer. "Oh my god!" Kooper exclaimed. "I would have never expected her to be the killer..."

"Me neither pal!" Parakarry smiled stupidly. Boo smacked his forehead in frustration.

"Even though you clearly saw her? Moron."

All of a sudden, a bright light illuminated the room and a small jingle that most of them recognized was heard. Dixie's head re-formed and her eyes fluttered open. "What's happening...?" Standing up, she realized she was still in Peach's castle. "What the hell? I thought I had killed myself just a few seconds ago?!"

"You had a one-up mushroom!" Flurrie laughed cheesily as she embraced the monkey.

"NO!" Dixie screamed in fright. "Why can't I die? I failed to murder Lakilulu, I must die!"

"It's your punishment for being such a bitch!" Lakilulu smirked evilly. "You couldn't even land a hit on my beautiful self, too bad, so sad!" Dixie punched her.

"Well, what are we going to do now?" Diddy wondered. "We all know that Dixie's the murderer, but she's still our friend, right? After all, she wanted to get rid of the bitch here..."

As everyone began to ponder over Diddy's question, sirens blared in the background. The guests could only assume that one of the guards had noticed Vivian's corpse on the bridge and deemed wise to alert the 'competent' authorities. It took them only five or six minutes to reach the castle. They destroyed the front door and burst into the main hall, eyes narrowed.

"I'm the captain of the Toad Brigade!" explained the red policeman. "I ask that you please cooperate and give us the name of the murderer!"

Lakilulu wore a smug smile on her face as she opened her mouth. "The culprit is Dix-"

Boo cleared his throat and punched the Lakitu. He quickly grabbed the gun from Dixie's hands and shove it into Lakilulu's. "Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the killer! Mario, Peach, Diddy, Flurrie and myself led our own investigation throughout the night and we found out that this cunt was responsible for all the trouble! She single-handedly killed ten of our friends, so please take her away," Boo told them, trying his best to hold his laughter.

"Cool! Then we don't have to investigate. Guys, let's go!" The brigade grabbed Lakilulu and left the castle.

"Whaaaaat?! But I didn't do it, it's Dixie!" Lakilulu struggled against the policemen.

"Yeah right, as if anyone would believe you!" scoffed the leader of the Toad Brigade. Lakilulu whined all the way to the police car. Boo and the rest of the guests kept quiet and only let out a sigh of relief when the sirens began to fade away.

"Awesome!" everyone cheered as they were finally free from Lakilulu's bitchiness.

"I say we give a toast for Dixie and Boo, our saviors!" Flurrie smiled, delighted.

"Yes, but first, we get rid of this poison bottle," Noki giggled as she threw the bottle in the trash can.

And the party carried on.

…

Later that day, as Boo helped Peach with the cleaning of her castle, he suddenly realized something.

"Wait a minute, why don't we use one-up mushrooms to revive our fallen friends and do as if nothing had happened?"

Peach stopped cleaning and looked at him as if he were dumb.

"Because it'd be too expensive and I don't want to waste my money on them, duh!" she rolled her eyes. "You're really stupid, you know?"

* * *

_And that's the end of the adventure for our stupid investigators and Boo!_

_I'm glad you enjoyed the story and thank you for the support! ^^_

_Credits - All the characters belong to Nintendo (why do I even bother with that? It's not a _fan_fiction website for nothing...)  
_

_-All the readers and reviewers for the support  
_


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